While I live, you don't die
by TheRealRogue
Summary: ROMY (Rogue Gambit) The title of this fic is a quote from the comics, and I think it depicts their love pretty well. What would one of them do, to save the other from death? Is everything already written or can we change what happened?
1. Chapter 1: Ten

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 1: Ten.

Remy didn't have to turn on the lights of the storage room when he got in there, not so much because he knew the precise location of things in there very well, but because his old thief habits were still kicking. The faint line of light that came from the hallway was more than enough for him to orientate himself in the narrow place, which was covered from top to bottom with shelves full of food containers of all sorts. It smelled like spices in there and the buzz of three large freezers gave the place a little bit of life, like it was darkly breathing.

"Beans, chips, more beans… _où est le fichu_ …?" he muttered to himself, as he ran his fingers over some of the items.

There weren't many things he could cook, but gumbo and jambalaja were two of them. However, that day wasn't about Cajun food.

"Aha!" he finally found what he was looking for, so he took the glass bottle and got out of there.

A lot of things he could have been doing on a Saturday night: stealing (just for the heck of it), hitting bars, hitting on girls, partying, drinking… but none of that even crossed his mind when he was around her.

And there she was, at the bottom of the kitchen, with her back to him. He sneaked upon her though she was expecting him, of course; but he just liked to have some moments to just blatantly stare at her: her long, auburn hair… just her whole frame, her whole persona was something he could spend hours looking at.

"Is there any?" she asked over her shoulder.

"Y' know yer wish is my command, _cherie_ " he presented her the bottle: " _Violá_ , _l'huile d'olive_."

"Thanks, mister" she smiled, then put the flour package back on the counter. "Alright, now we gotta make strips".

"We gotta strip?!" he leaned over the counter: "Remy like de sound of dat."

She narrowed her eyes at him: "Ah can't believe that's the kind of crap that actually gets yah girls".

"Well it hasn't worked with de Roguey yet, but I keep tryin'" he winked.

"Great, now we're gonna make strips with the dough, 'kay? Clear enough?"

"Crystal clear, _chere_ " he had already removed his gloves a while ago, to help her peel the potatoes for the gnocchi. Her hands were bare too.

"Just…"

" _Oui_?"

She was busy kneading a long roll.

"…just be careful with these puppies" she waved her hands at him for a moment, all sticky with dough and flour: "Ah don't wanna knock yah out 'fore dinner".

"An' after dinner?"

She looked up the ceiling, in mock annoyance: "Mah Gawd, LeBeau, Ah can't believe the way yan can twist every darn thing Ah say".

"Hey, I ain't twistin' anythin'! It just an innocent question, is it 'kay like dis?"

"Yeah, just sprinkle a little more flour on it".

Nothing could compare to this kind of evenings they spent, and that were getting more and more frequent. Of course he recognized her power was a little issue, but if one thing he had learnt as a thief, as an Acolyte and now as an X-Man, was that 'impossible' didn't exist.

The screen of Rogue's cell phone was a mess of dough and fingerprints stamped on flour, but she didn't seem to care much, as she scrolled down for the next steps of the recipe. They diced the rolls (if the verb "to dice" can be applied to a semi squashed and completely uneven cylinder of squishy material) while talking and teasing each other all along. Could she deny it? That she liked to be around him as well? At least she tried to hide it as much as humanly possible, because… well, the list of reasons might not be too long, but it was drastic enough.

"Tell yah what, Remy" she stated, once all of the rolls were diced: "I bet Ah can put all of them in the pot before yah".

"Ah, _oui_? An' what are we bettin' on?" he questioned, while holding his tray already. Each of them had one, full with raw, homemade gnocchi.

"Well it was just a sayin' but… okay; Ah can come up with somethin'". She increased the heat of the burner. The water was already boiling. "If yah lose…" she came a bit a closer to him, looked him up and down.

"If I lose?" he echoed mischievously, raising a brow.

Okay, maybe she didn't always try to hide it.

"Yah'll wash the dishes" she said in fake naivety, grabbing her tray as well.

"Not what I expected but guess I'll have t' settle for dat. An' what do Remy get if he wins?"

"What do yah want?"

"Uffff, _cherie_ , don't ask me dat if y' don't wanna hear de answer."

She laughed: "Come on, just say somethin'".

"If I win…" Should he say something dirty? Push his luck a little more? "…y'll help me prepare some gumbo t'morrow, how 'bout dat?"

She raised her brows a bit, but her gorgeous smile became wider, like she was acknowledging he had made a huge effort to be a gentleman there.

"Okay, Ah've never tried it but Ah can give it a shot" she said, "ready?"

"Always."

"Go".

They started taking the gnocchi one by one and letting them fall in the bubbly water.

"Y' sure dey should be dis sticky?" he asked, trying to get rid of one of them, that seemed attached to his thumb with super glue.

"Ah don't know, Ah've never made this before, but yeah" she took a look inside the pot: "Ah'm scared they end up all crushed and crumbled together like a big ol' mess".

"Don't worry _chere,_ I'd eat 'em anyways".

"Oh, how sweet of…"

Her sentence got suffocated halfway through, in a gasp that almost made her choke.

The trays, along with the gnocchi, went tumbling down to the floor, soon followed by Rogue and Remy's inert bodies. His face fell right against the white, tiled floor, and as much as he made blind efforts to move, he just couldn't. It was like their bodies had been ripped away from them, leaving nothing but numb, empty space.

The world went completely silent, except for a hollow sound of void and later on, a far away whistle making its painful way through their ears.

Remy's eyes burnt in the ache of trying to look in Rogue's direction. He achieved it. He saw her laying close to him with her two wide open eyes in a crying plead of horror shooting from green pupils.

Then, nothing more.

(…)

" _Chere_ , wake up. Rogue?"

His voice was the first thing she became aware of. It gave her a calming feeling for few seconds, when the world around appeared again, out of focus and way too bright, but still there.

"Y' okay?" she heard again.

He was so near she could see his hand over her left cheek, his thumb brushing her skin. Then, it hit her all at once.

"No…" she managed to utter as she pushed his hand away, clumsily crawling backwards on her elbows.

He had just touched her face. He was still awake, telling her something she couldn't compute. And the way they froze in the kitchen…

"What…?"

There was Kitty sitting on the floor, besides her, with her knees up to her chest and her usually perky eyes, looking at her in complete panic. She was wearing some sort of yellow collar, just like Storm, Jean, Kurt… some others were there as well, either scattered over the floor or walking back and forth.

Rogue brought her hand to her neck; there was a collar, too.

"What happened?" she gaped at Remy.

"Dey did" he gestured in the opposite direction.

She turned around heavily and realized of their precarious situation.

Some sort of silver, shiny field surrounded the seven or eight X-Men. On the other side of it, she distinguished three figures.

"I believe I have everyone's attention now, don't I?"

Rogue had never heard this voice before, or seen this person. However, his two companions…

"If you don't release us right this instant, Shaw…" Scott commanded.

"What will you do?" The man approached to the prison and poked the shiny layer with a finger; something like thin cracks spread from the spot where he touched it. Then, the lines vanished. "Hm?" he waited for an answer, his hands behind his back now: "Come on, I'm listening".

"I'm gonna cut your goddamn head off" Logan's gruff voice finally broke the silence.

"Good luck with that" he snorted, then looked up and around at the cell: "Keep trying to cut through it, please. It amuses me".

"Enough with the chatter, you'll tell us what you want right now" Scott was standing right in front of the man.

That's when Rogue realized of something she should have noticed before, but maybe the dozing off had blurred her senses a little bit: Cyclops wasn't wearing his visor or shades. And Remy had touched her face…

"Mah Gawd…" she mumbled faintly, feeling utterly vulnerable: not only were they locked in this… field of whatever sort. They had no powers.

She looked around again in desperation. No one seemed to have any kind of clever plan going on right then. Kitty stood up, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. Rogue got on her feet as well, with Remy's help.

"Amazingly enough, you're completely right. I have no interest in talking to any of you so I should go straight to the point" Sebastian Shaw conceded, going back to his place between the other two people Rogue recognized as the bitchiest tramp in the world, Emma Frost, and a guy… she wasn't sure about his name, but he was a teleporter. Behind them, Rogue recognized the entrance gate for… "I need the security code to open up and activate Cerebro. And I need it now".

"What are you saying?" Jean stepped forward: "There's no security code for Cerebro, only the Professor can start it and he…"

"He disappeared a year ago, I know, no need to fill me in" Shaw continued, with a snake-like voice: "However, that's not entirely true. Do you want me to believe the mighty Professor Charles Xavier would not have a back up plan for this beauty?" he gestured towards the round, metallic gate of the room that kept the machine: "Do you think he would rely only on himself? That he wouldn't confide in one of his trusty X-Men… just in case?"  
"But…" Jean began to say.

"But he would have told you? Because you're a telepath? I'm afraid there are many things Xavier keeps from you all. But then again, who? Who will he tell this little secret to? If not…" he stared at Scott, who was standing there motionless: "…to his pet? The second in charge, correct? Cyclops?"

Rogue expected Scott to retort something right off, but he didn't; he was never the best at lying.

"I don't know what you're talking about" he finally said.

"Of course! Of course, silly me" Shaw tapped his own temple with this hand: "Your memory only needs a little push. Azazel, bring one".

The red skinned guy by his side nodded. What happened next was too fast to be followed by the naked eye.

A blur of crimson smoke popped up where Azazel was standing a second ago. Rogue's heart skipped a beat when all of a sudden, something, someone was right by her side, taking hold of her and before she could even react, the world disappeared for an instant as she felt pulled away through invisible space, then found herself out of the cell, where the reddish smoke was still twirling. This man, Shaw, was right besides her.

"ROGUE!" Remy yelled, behind the translucent silver screen, punching its surface once and again: "What y' gonna t' her?!"

Shaw took a pause before speaking again: "See, my fellow mutants, as you must know by now, humans, regular humans, are not precisely my favorite people." Azazel's harsh grip in her arm, right above her elbow, was starting to hurt. But that was the least of Rogue's worries. She had wanted to get rid of her power for so long, and now that she needed it the most, that it could have been useful for her somehow, it was gone. But they always made it through this kind of situations, right? Something had to happen… she looked around, trying to find a weak spot in these people; a way to fool them or escape. But without her powers, without their powers, they were nothing but human.

Shaw continued: "Nevertheless, there is one thing I really do admire in mankind. Do you know what my power is?" He looked at Rogue, who shook her head softly. "I can absorb any type of energy and transform it into raw strength. That is, I could come up with a billion ways of killing someone, but humans! They were creative enough to invent something simple, pure, efficient!" he punched his palm while saying this. "Call it my guilty pleasure, but I'm not ashamed of it. I just really, really, really have a passion for…" he searched for something inside his jacket: "Guns".

It was a black pistol, the one Rogue saw in the man's hand. Her shoulders quivered unwillingly.

"LET HER GO!" she heard Remy and his punches on the field, a million miles away.

"On your knees" Shaw ordered, but it didn't occur to her that he was actually talking to her. It made no sense. "On your knees, precious" he repeated, and Azazel pushed her to the ground, so she had no choice but to mechanically obey, her hands resting on her thighs. "You care about your teammates, right Summers? They're like your family, after all. So this is how it's going to work out. I will count to ten, and if you don't tell me the code before that, I'll put a bullet in her brain. Then in another one of these clowns, and another one, until it's only you left, in which case I'll infringe you with so much pain, plus the guilt of being the cause your little friends died like rats, that you will beg for the merciful embrace of death".

There was silence.

Or maybe not so much, because Rogue could hear her own heart speeding up out of control, as realization punched her in the stomach. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. Her throat started to burn with the grip of tears and strangely, it crossed her mind the idea that it was lucky they asked her to kneel, because she didn't believe she would have managed to stay standing right then.

"Tell him." She looked up to the front. It was Remy who had just spoken: "Tell 'im what he wants" he urged Scott.

"I don't know it" he replied, but then Shaw spoke to her again:

"Say goodbye".

Her whole body started to shake uncontrollably as she closed her eyes and a dry sob escaped her lips.

"Why can't this girl do what I ask? SAY… GOODBYE".

Rogue looked to the front again. It didn't seem real, the whole scene: they were all just staring at her in shock. Maybe they just couldn't believe their eyes either, just like herself.

She took some breath before pronouncing a weak "goodbye".

Her chest exploded in sobs again.

"Shaw, listen to me, I don't know who told you this information but…"

"One".

With the corner of her eye, Rogue saw how Shaw pointed the gun at the left side of her head. She didn't dare to move or to think, even, because… this couldn't be the end. How can death just present itself in front of someone like this? She wanted to disappear, like that teleporter did. If only she had her power… this couldn't be it.

"Two".

Her eyes caught Kitty's. They were pretty much out of orbit, both hands covering her mouth. Yes, this was definitely as unbelievable for them as it was for her. And why was she even thinking about this? Shouldn't she think of something more important now?

"Three".

"Tell 'im de fuckin' code, _homme_!" she heard Remy yelling again and when she looked in their direction, he was holding Scott by the collar of his shirt. "TELL 'IM" he repeated.

"I don't know it!" Cyclops said again, and a mess of shouts, complaints and voices reached her ears.

"Four".

Scott managed to get away from Remy's grip:

"All right, there must be something like a code somewhere in the computers, but we need time to look for it, if you just let us…"

"Five".

"…find it, we can get it, we'll give it to you."

"He's telling the truth!" Jean cried.

"Six".

The word "bluff" formed inside Rogue's mind and she realized this wasn't one. She wished she would have had more time to… to what?

"Y' don't tell 'im what he wants t' know, Scott, an' I'll kill y' with my own bare hands." She saw Remy standing besides Scott, threatening him: "Say it right now or I swear I'll fuckin' kill y'".

"Seven" Shaw continued, half yawning.

And then, she just hoped Remy would look at her. She had always called him a stalker or a perv for shamelessly staring at her all the time, but this seemed to belong to another life now. He was too focused in arguing with Scott, though. She wished he would look at her just for a moment, so she could tell him…

"Eight".

Kitty was whimpering somewhere back there. Kurt was saying something as well. Then, someone who hadn't said a word so far, spoke:

"Say it, Scott". He turned to face Storm. "Say it now, please".

Jean's mouth opened in disbelief.

"But the Professor…" Cyclops began to say.

A well known metallic sound cut him off, along with a set of three claws resting on his neck.

"I can tell when someone's lying, you scum" Logan hissed: "Say it now."

"Nine".

 _Please Remy, look at me_ was the only thought she focused in, as, through her tears, she saw him pushing Scott and yelling at him. Both Remy and Logan were over him, and Cyclops, the leader of the X-Men, founding member and role model, looked like a helpless puppet.

 _Please._

"Tell him!" Storm commanded him.

"I… I can't!" a desperate Scott shouted.

Rogue lowered her head and closed her eyes again, swallowing the infinite piece of fear she had become. Her life, her memories, every moment she had lived, every laugh and tear, it'd all be gone soon, like it never even existed. How was it possible? But then, she hoped she could… she had to… so she opened her eyes and laid them on Remy, who was still trying to do something for her. As usual. She had never appreciated it much, until now. How absurd the things we regularly do become, in the face of death.

She had to tell him…

"Ten".

"Remy..." she called, and luckily enough, over all the screaming and quarrel, he heard her.

She saw as he turned towards her.

She had got to love that face, those eyes that were staring at her in terror, his voice, his words, everything about him. And she was realizing just now. How fitting.

One last sob came out of her mouth, as she tried to sink in this eye contact, in his stare, and hide in there from all this madness.

She parted her lips to say something.

But she heard it. She heard the gunshot.

It only lasted the fraction of a second, though, before darkness engulfed her forever.

 _Note: Hi! OK, first off, this fic is mainly Evoverse, but as you can see, it has little touches here and there of other universes. The title itself belongs to the comicverse, it's an exact quote from something Rogue tells Gambit there, at some point. Then we have some inspiration from the episode "Reunion part II" of the 90's animated series. And I took some characters' from the movieverse, such as Emma, Azazel and Sebastian (of course they are in the comics a lot, as well). And to wrap things up nice and tight, I took the idea of the final scene of this chapter, from the TV series "Lost", of which I was (and am) a huge fan; specifically, it relates to the character of Alex. I just saw this episode ages ago, when it aired, and wanted to develop a fanfiction around it at some point. And years later, here I am! Also, please remember English is not my native language, in case you see some mistakes around here. Aaaaaaand… that's it for now. Please don't leave without reviewing! P.S.: Quote from the X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie: "I'm gonna cut your goddamn head off"._

 _Next chap, hopefully up within this next week._


	2. Chapter 2: Gone

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 2: Gone.

His brain shut down.

With both of his hands pressed hard against the transparent, silver field, Remy witnessed it in slow motion: her body collapsing to the front, her face, her beautiful face no longer in sight, her hair falling over, her arms going loose, her head hitting the floor, her shoulders taking one short shudder, and that was it.

He remained staring at her, his own arms falling to the sides of him, limp and useless.

The echo of the gunshot was still bouncing against the walls, filling the space, as everyone's wide eyes were on Rogue's lifeless body.

The first sound to emerge came from Kitty. It was something like a shout or a howl, that rose up to the ceiling and lingered there almost as long as the shot had. She put her arms around her stomach and screamed again. And again and again, gawking around with a lost expression on her face.

"You people really do think you have everything figured out at all times, don't you?" Shaw examined the gun, putting it against the light: "As if you're out of reach from damage. But in reality, you're so pathetic you can't even keep one of your own from dying like an animal in front of you" he shook his head, taking a look at Rogue: "Such a shame. But this is on you, not me".

"Why…?" someone else spoke, though all of these sounds didn't make any sense to Remy more than white noise did to anybody. He pressed his forehead against the force field. It was a little too warm but he didn't even notice. His eyes were glued to Rogue, expecting she would start moving at any moment, sure she would get up, ask for help, say something. His whole body was covered in cold sweat.

"Why… do you do this?" It was Jean, the one talking: "You" she pointed at Emma, who all this time had been just standing there, not even blinking when a person was murdered in front of her. "You can read inside Scott's mind, why didn't you just…?" A torrent of tears and sobs cut her off.

"Wow, aren't you clever? How didn't we think of that?" was the only thing the blonde hag said.

"Oh, we tried" Shaw continued: "But your dear Professor made sure to keep the code locked neatly in his mind, so we couldn't access it. He has to tell us by will and by the looks of it, he is quite tough to convince. But we can try again. Azazel, another one".

Maybe what saved Kitty from being taken away were her screams, which kept going at this point. Because Azazel teleported himself right besides her. However, he ignored her all along and went for the person who was a little further.

"NO!" Scott reacted, when he realized it was Jean the one the teleporter took away.

"Ha! It seems you stroke a nerve, Azazel. Good choice". The demon – like mutant nodded at his master, then, forced Jean to kneel. Crying, the telepath leaned over Rogue, brushed away the hair from her forehead, searched for the pulse in her neck with a trembling hand. "I don't think I have to explain the routine again, am I right? Though you are obviously a little slow in the comprehension department". He raised the gun again, pointing it at Jean's head. "One".

Scott's face contorted for a moment, but then, went back to its previous state.

"Sweden" he said.

Emma immediately turned to a keyboard attached to the metallic wall besides the gates of Cerebro and typed the letter "S".

"Eight" Cyclops continued, his voice far away from the strong tone he usually displayed.

"Now we're talking" Shaw grinned and put the gun back inside his coat.

"Barbados".

Emma typed "B".

Storm was standing besides Scott, staring at him with a face of stone.

"Three. Egypt. Zero. Ireland. Nine. France. Zero. Japan. Two. Greenland. One. Kenya" he took a pause and a deep breath before saying the last cipher: "Seven".

"So?" Shaw turned to Emma. Before she said anything, he got his answer in the gates of Cerebro opening up and the lights inside the room, turning on, illuminating the vast place. "Fantastic!" he laughed and gave Emma a kiss. "Now you do your magic, my queen".

"It'll be my pleasure" she smiled, and walked into the room. The doors closed behind her back.

How long did she stay in there? None of the involved would be able to tell, because time had just become a load for them. Shaw was impatient, so for him, it was probably the longest. Scott knew he had the weight of the world on his shoulders now, so he was holding on to the fact that Jean was still breathing, not to think of what he had just done. Kitty had stopped yelling, but was recovering from vomiting in a corner of the cell, an occasional sob sprinting from her reddened, puffy face every once in a while. Kurt had just reached Storm and was crying his lungs out, his head buried in her chest. She was stroking his hair softly and spent quite a while struggling to hold her breath, to avoid crying, but there was a point when she couldn't hold it any longer. Logan just stayed standing there, incapable of believing he hadn't been able to do anything to help Rogue.

And Remy… he had slid down the surface of the field, keeping his forehead attached to it at all times. He was sitting there, unable to function. It was like the entire world was surrounded by a thick fog, and all he could see, at the end of a dark tunnel, was her auburn and white hair spread on the floor, her green sweater and dark blue jeans. He was so absorbed, he didn't even notice when Jean spent some good five minutes trying to find Rogue's pulse, to then shake her head and look away. He didn't notice when Emma came out of Cerebro, either.

"It's done" she smiled, self-satisfied.

"Phenomenal" Shaw kissed her again. "Well, I truly regret we had to make business this way, but you left me no other choice." He and Emma stood at both sides of Azazel and held his hands. "One piece of advice before we leave: you should reconsider who you put your trust in. I know I would. Good bye!"

Then, they were gone, replaced by some reddish smoke that slowly crept towards the ceiling and soon disappeared.

Right then, the force field vanished as well, and the yellow collars they all were wearing, opened up with a click. But the devastation was too tangible, like the aftermath of a bomb explosion or a war. Yes, that was it: this was the waste of what the X-Men were just hours ago.

When the silver wall was gone, Remy seemed to regain awareness. He started to half run, half crawl to the front, in Rogue's direction. It wasn't a very long way, maybe about 20 or 25 feet, but to him it felt like the longest way in the world. And also the shortest. Because he didn't want to see… but he had to see if…

" _Chere_ …" he could finally pronounce, when he was close enough. In another dimension, there was someone besides Rogue, who moved away while crying, maybe. He didn't know and didn't care.

He dared to come even closer and that's when he saw her face. It ripped apart something inside of him with a swat, because her eyes were still open. He dragged himself on the ground a little more, to face her better. Then, he cupped her face between his hands and stared at her green pupils, like he was in some sort of trance. They were still her eyes, the ones that had smiled at him so many times, the ones he had talked to for hours. But at the same time and as much as he didn't want to understand it, something was missing in them. Her, of course. They were just sunk into empty space, with their little hints of yellow and brown, but… void. He frantically read her face with his hands, as if a blind man attempting to recognize something, then ran his hands through her hair and all of a sudden, it was like he realized of something.

"Remy…" someone said, but he was too busy carrying her in his arms.

"We gotta take 'er t' a hospital! COME ON!" he shouted, with all the aspect and voice of a maniac.

"Remy…" a still sobbing Jean repeated, coming closer to him: "There's nothing we can do…"

"What y' talkin' 'bout?" he stared at her in disbelief: "I take 'er to de Blackbird, we meet dere in 30 seconds, let's go, let's go!"

No one knew what to do. Each of them was trying to comprehend their own pain and the entire situation as a whole, and now they had in front of them someone whose ache hadn't even emerged yet, replaced by… delusion.

Remy started running down the hallway, Rogue's inert legs swinging oddly at every step, like a rag doll's. He would take her to a goddamn hospital, even if he had to fly the Blackbird all by himself, he didn't need a damn copilot, there was a hospital not too far, he would land on the roof and raise fucking hell if they didn't take care of her right away, he knew they would though, she would probably have to go through a surgery or two, he couldn't even see where the bullet had entered, it was probably somewhere underneath all of that wild hair of hers, but the doctors would fix her, they had scanners and machines and medicines and surgery rooms, they would fix her and one day she would open her eyes again and smile at him and…

"Gambit."

Remy stopped in his tracks, gaping at the person who was now standing in front of him.

"Y're comin' with us? Good, now we…"

"Gambit" Logan repeated, not sure either on what to say but God knows he was trying his best. "You need to stop now."

Remy couldn't believe he wouldn't want to help her.

"Out of my way" he said bitterly, holding on to Rogue as if protecting her from the whole world.

"We can't… help her" the Canadian said, as if reading his mind.

"Maybe y' can't but I do, an' we're wastin' time here" he stepped forward but Logan didn't let him.

"Gambit" Logan stared at him and put together all of his will power to say the following words: "She's gone."

Remy took a step back, frowning in complete disgust. How could he say that? They were preparing gnocchi a minute ago. She was just hurt, she would get better, she…

"Rogue's dead, Gambit" Logan forced himself to say, and the words sounded odd to him. "She's dead. She's gone".

That's when he froze.

He looked down at her, at her head resting on his chest and her eyes still open, still green and still empty. He moved his arms slightly as if trying to wake her up. Logan was about to say it one more time, but when Remy's eyes met his again, he knew he had finally grasped it.

And the excruciating pain of the realization was instantly overwhelmed by something else: profound, raw, crude, visceral anger that made his mind boil.

He passed Rogue's body to Logan, who had no choice but to receive her in his arms, gritting his teeth at the same time.

Remy turned around mechanically and started walking furiously, with only one purpose on his mind.

He was going to kill him.

A faint sparkle of reason told him that it wouldn't give him Rogue back, nothing would. But he didn't care about anything, he didn't exist. If she didn't, he didn't either.

He wished he hadn't, but he did see an ocean of blood spreading over the sleeve and front of his shirt. Rogue's blood.

"CYCLOPS!" he roared, once he found himself back in the lobby of Cerebro.

Every face turned towards him right away. Every face except Scott's, who turned around some seconds later, slowly. He would try to explain himself, but he knew that what he'd say was pointless, simply because he would be just as frantic if something happened to Jean.

"Gambit… listen…" he tried, knowing it was a lost cause.

"Listen?!" Remy echoed. His clothes and hair were a mess. "I'm not listenin', y' piece of shit coward." Oddly enough, these words came out in some sort of tense calm. No one dared to move.

"I didn't think he would… shoot her and also… the code, the Professor…"

"De Professor can rot in hell" he spat out, already trembling in rage. Then, he started to slowly walk forward: "De Professor… an' y' too".

Jean yelled as all she could do was move away from Scott. Remy had charged against him, tackled him and both men were now on the floor, Gambit hitting Cyclops once and again.

"Stop!" Jean cried, desperate: "Remy…! Please… guys…?"  
She looked around, but all she found was tearful faces, Kurt sitting on the floor in complete shock; Storm resting against the wall, her lips pursed and her cheeks, varnished with tears. And Kitty… she wouldn't have been able to tell her own name if someone asked her right then.

"Please…stop it…" the telepath asked again, this time with no conviction. She fell to the ground on her knees, crying and watching the struggle, as Remy punched Scott in the stomach.

He saw nothing, heard nothing and knew nothing else; all of the strength left in his body and the little sense he could hold on to, were entirely focused in beating him up. Scott's nose was a muddle of blood and the skin on one of his cheekbones was torn open, his eyeglasses broken in half but still strangely hanging on to his face. He shut his eyes tight, just as his attacker's fist was heading in his direction again. But for the second time that day, Remy suddenly passed out without even knowing what hit him.

(…)

Logan heard as hell rose back there, but he wouldn't be a part of it. Not now. Cyclops would pay back to him later on. So he just walked a little more and entered a longue room that was in that area of the mansion's basement. He sat on the couch and finally dared to take a look at her face.

"Damn…" was all he could mutter, closing his eyes.

When he managed to see her again, he passed his hand over her eyes, making her eyelids finally close. For good.

"Why, kid?"

He slid a cushion underneath her head and stayed like that, with Rogue's dead body in his arms, staring into nowhere.

 _Note: Gosh… this was pretty intense to write. The good thing is that I managed to write it in about 3 hours, 'cause sometimes I get blocked and it takes me days to write a chappie, but this one flowed OK. I feel kind of sad now :-( Please REVIEW! Tell me what you think, express yourself :-) Next chap, up in the next 4 to 6 days (hopefully)._


	3. Chapter 3: Pain

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 3: Pain.

The fluorescent light bulbs in the ceiling, all white and blurry, hurt his eyes. As a reflex action, he covered them with his arm and started to sit up. Halfway through, it all came back to his memory at once.

It'd be accurate to say the floor seemed to disappear under his body, leaving him falling down some kind of metallic, illuminated abyss. The round gates of Cerebro were there, still half open, and he noticed a small puddle of red liquid, somewhere, over there. There was a lot of it in his shirt as well. And a little in his knuckles.

Was this real life?

He looked around and noticed someone was there, sitting against the wall in Indian position. For no reason at all, something similar to relieve formed inside his mind during the split of a second, but at the same time, fear took hold of him again. Nothing made any sense.

He stared at her and she stared back.

"Please tell me dis didn't happen" he said at last.

Storm lowered her eyes for a moment and breathed in deeply before speaking:

"It did…" She was searching for something else to say. Something comforting or at least understanding. But that "something" didn't exist. There was no right thing to say, not even for her. There was just pain and massacre. So she just repeated: "It did".

The images of what, apparently, had indeed happened, kept playing themselves in his mind over and over; it all felt incredibly recent, almost as if it was happening right then and he could reach out and do something, keep her alive somehow. He continued staring at Storm, trying to wrap his mind around it.

"Jean had to… put you to sleep, because…" she continued, making a visible effort to talk calmly.

"Where's she?"

He wasn't talking about Jean, of course.

Storm looked at him with the saddest eyes on Earth; the saddest, after his. She had never seen him so devastated, so hopeless and crushed. It hurt her too. All of this madness. She didn't answer with words, because they were worthless and hindering. Instead, she stood up tiredly and waited for him to do the same.

With the last pieces of strength he still had, he got on his feet and followed her down the hallway like a sleepwalker.

Before he even noticed, they reached the med area of the mansion, not far away. Storm stopped by the entrance of one of the rooms and looked at him, already tearing up in silence. Next, she went and let herself fall on a nearby chair, eyes on the floor.

Just like that? She was behind that silver door and… nowhere, at the same time?

He pushed it open and it made a squeaking sound as he took a step inside the dim lighted and cold room. It felt as if his larynx was being clutched, because air got to his lungs in irregular doses and he had to clear his throat once, then twice, all while forcing himself to move forward.

There was a medical bed against the wall, a thin, white sheet covering someone. Would it be too much to ask that, when looking at that someone's face, for some unprecedented miracle, it wasn't her?

Would it be too stupid to even ask for it?

Maybe.

And it was her. He gasped when he saw everything he recognized as her.

They were her long eyelashes and full lips; the white bangs in her hair and light brown freckle on her left cheekbone. Some echo inside his mind thanked whoever decided not to cover her face with the sheet, because this way, lying like that, she just seemed to be asleep. This wasn't, how they call it, a dead body or a corpse. This was Rogue, his Rogue, but where was she now?

He approached some more, feeling completely void inside, like there was no heart, stomach or lungs inside of him; nothing, just a carcass that was about to fall apart. How could this be her? She was doing laundry couple days before, running in the Danger Room the previous day, telling him 'Yah gonna help me cook dinner t'day or what?' just hours or minutes ago. Of all of the times he had imagined the touch of her skin, he never thought it'd feel this strange. The side of her face wasn't cold or warm. It was just…

 _"Chere… mon Dieux…"_

Last time he cried was ages ago, when he was a kid.

But this was her.

This wasn't her.

She was right here.

She wasn't. She was gone.

Remy buried his face in the white pillow and held on to her, pressing his cheek against hers, as if that way he could destroy this reality and snatch her away from death.

(…)

 _"Mah Gawd, is that what Ah think it is?"_

 _"Well_ chere _, if y' think it a mini golf camp for when y' takin' a dump,_ oui _, y're completely rite"._

 _"Thanks for clearin' it up, the question is, who in the world…?"_

 _"…plays golf while takin' a dump?"_

 _"Exactly, this is ridiculous. Would yah play golf while takin' a dump?"_

 _"If I'm really bored, I just might, see, when…"_

 _"'kay, Ah think Ah'm done with that, shouldn't have asked in the first place."_

 _"Can't believe we're already dere,_ cherie _."_

 _"What, where?"_

 _"In the point of our relationship where we can now talk 'bout dump takin'."_

 _"Weird, huh?"_

The infomercial had been going on and on for who knows how long now… maybe twenty minutes. Or a hundred. But that had been more than enough for him to remember that conversation they'd had, when was it? In another life or world? No, just about couple weeks ago. It was a Friday night and Rogue had been watching a movie all by herself, in a lounge room that was in the third floor of the mansion; from the wide, glass window, you could see the city lights far away. He had "casually" dropped by, sitting right by her side in the brown, cozy couch. The film was just finishing though, so for some reason they ended up watching the home shopping channel until 4 am, mocking at every absurd product and each over the top host.

But now, he hadn't been paying attention to the TV, anyway. It was just a coincidence what made him look towards the screen and catch the mini golf thing. And also catch (another) memory of hers, in a guy sitting on a toilet while explaining the benefits of exercising while pooping.

A sour chuckle escaped his lips, a mixture of the reminiscence of Rogue by his side, talking and laughing and joking around, and how absurdly things had developed, how revoltingly unpredictable life can get to be.

 _Life. She has no life now. She's not alive._

The more he pondered these sentences, the less sense they made to him. How can someone just disappear? He had faced death before, people in his family, enemies, even… yes, he had killed, not something he was proud of. But how could he just settle for this? For not hearing her voice ever again? No more of her, no chance for her to… be.

At last, another infomercial began. Some sort of exercise machine, and Remy's stare got lost again, somewhere in the shadows of a corner of the room, as he laid on his stomach on the couch. Since he moved in to the mansion, he had only returned once or twice to his tiny apartment. It was dusty and gloomy when he arrived that night, but he could care less. All he wanted to do was get away from everything even remotely related to the X-Men.

They talked big, preached about peace and coexistence and crap. But they had lost their humanity. Not all of them, he guessed, maybe, he didn't care. He wouldn't analyze each person's behavior. But the so called "leaders" were full of shit. They'd talk and talk, but do nothing when one of them needed them the most.

Cyclops. Just recalling the name gave him nausea. How could he just let her die? They had entered Cerebro anyway, they'd find a way to fix whatever they did with that.

But no. Rogue's life was expendable. Unlike Jean's, of course.

And Shaw… he knew the bastard was nothing but a piece of scum. He was the one to do it, God, to pull the trigger. However, it was Scott the one he wanted to strangle. Because there will always be evil, waiting for us at every corner; but being left to die and being betrayed by the ones you consider your friends, your family, is just too much.

He reached out for the bottle of bourbon that was on the floor, near his shoes, but it was empty already. He'd seen another one in the kitchen, he remembered, so he rolled out of the couch and headed for it.

He didn't expect to see it was just starting to get clear out there, an orangey color tinting everything out the window. Had he got any sleep that night? He didn't think so. It had just been one gigantic puddle of nothing he had sunk himself into.

The rest of the day wasn't very different. He went from gulping whiskey (he had several more bottles in his stash) to smoking some cigarette. From sitting on the couch to lying on it. From taking a glimpse at an infomercial about belly flattening jeans, to staring at the humidity stained ceiling.

When he realized it was dark again, hunger stroke his stomach. He hadn't eaten anything in all of that time (he never got to try the gnocchi they were preparing, that were supposed to be their dinner just the day before). So he sat up, combed his hair back with his fingers and rummaged around the kitchen to see if he could find anything edible. Apart from spoiled or canned food, he found some salty crackers that tasted like cardboard when he gobbled them down.

Around midnight, when the silent TV was displaying the benefits of a set of knives, four empty bottles were scattered on the floor and Remy's mind was twirling about one thing only: what was on her mind when the gun was pointing at her head? When the countdown was inevitably going? When… she called out his name? It was the last thing she ever said. What did she want to tell him? How could he not help her, for Christ's sake? All he did was staring at her, into her eyes, and then watch her die. He hoped all of this alcohol would erase away this image of her, falling to the ground and life escaping from her body. But he doubted it; he would remember it forever, and the way his name sounded in her lips, when she knew she was about to die.

"Did y' know it, _chere?_ Or… did y' have hope 'til de very end?"

(…)

Something woke him up.

Remy propped himself up from the couch, startled, his head being a hell of mess and pain, and looked around with half closed eyes: the TV was still on and it was bright clear outside. A couple seconds later, when he remembered why he was there, he wished he could have just stayed knocked out.

He heard it again.

He got on his feet and took a couple of unsteady steps. His trench coat. It was on the floor, so he reached for it and found his cell phone in one of the pockets.

He had several missed calls and about ten written messages, all from Storm. For a moment he considered just putting the phone in silence and get back to his failed attempts at blanking his mind, but for some reason, he decided to listen to the one voice message that was there.

"Remy, I have phoned you several times… I want to let you know that the… funeral…" Storm's voice broke a little at this point, but she managed to carry on: "…will be today at the mansion at four o'clock, just in case you want to… attend and… well, good bye."

A funeral.

They couldn't save her life but they would give her a funeral.

Rage took hold of him again so he tossed the red gleaming phone against the window and both of them exploded and shred to pieces.

(…)

Those who hadn't been in the mansion two days before, when it all happened, were there as well. Some had been on a trip to a nearby city, others on a mission, a couple few just out in town. But this strange Monday afternoon they were all there, in the fields of the mansion, filling the plastic chairs that had been organized in few rows.

Kitty couldn't get her eyes off of the black coffin that was there in the center, like a twisted worship object. She wanted to look away, to concentrate in the words written in the piece of crumpled paper she had in her hands.

"…the Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures…"

She wasn't paying the slightest attention to the elderly priest. Was Rogue even a catholic, anyway? She doubted it, though they had never talked about that. There were so many things they wouldn't have the chance to talk about, ever.

"…even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me…"

She rechecked the buttons of her sweater, but they were okay. Then, took a look at some of the other faces: a tear here, watery eyes there, but mostly unreadable expressions. Over four years she had spent with these people and had gone through a lot of things with them, but never anything like this. They felt like strangers to her now, especially Scott, who she used to think very high of. Who were they now? Just a bunch of random people in black and grey outfits, gathered around…

She couldn't stand seeing the coffin anymore, so she looked down. The paper was folded several times, all wrinkled and sweaty.

"Kitty" Piotr said by her said: "It is yourr turrn".

The girl looked around and realized everyone was staring at her. Her stomach twitched as she stood up mechanically and headed to the wooden podium.

The paper was placed on its surface. She had to straighten it with her shaky hands several times. Her throat was dry. Would she be able to pronounce these words?

What was the use of all of this? Would Rogue even want this? Did anybody stop to think about it?

 _Come on, Kit, you can do this. Come on._

She looked up, fighting against herself to keep tears at bay. And poor Kurt; he was just sitting down there, but he seemed lost, his suit being too large for him and therefore making him look all slobby. Evan, Tabitha, Jubilee, Piotr, Beast, Jamie, Banshee, Bobby, Amara, Cannonball… Kitty swallowed hard and was about to look down and read what she had struggled to write that morning, when something made her stop.

Someone.

Someone was approaching the small crowd and she was the only one to see him.

It was Remy.

Should she continue, as if nothing was happening?

She parted her lips to speak, but couldn't. Because something was indeed happening. No one had heard from Remy ever since _that_ night, when he stormed out of the med bay and then of the mansion. After beating Scott up, after Rogue died… tears started to accumulate in the edges of her eyes, as he came closer and closer.

People finally seemed to notice Kitty had her eyes fixated on something, because one first, next some others and then everyone, turned around to see him.

He made his way down the aisle between the two groups of rows, like nobody else existed. His eyes were just at the front, in the center, where she was, inside that black shiny box that seemed to come from another dimension.

Kitty didn't wipe away the tear that started to roll down her face, as Remy halted and kind of looked around, some hair falling over his eyes.

"Where's yer boyfriend?"

He was staring at Jean, whose voice trembled when she replied:

"He… wasn't feeling well".

"Oh" Remy nodded: "Too bad. But guess what? Rogue ain't feelin' too good either, no… no, no, no, no… no" he raised a finger: "Lemme rephrase dat: she ain't feelin' anythin' at all, y' know… 'cause she's dead".

Some people looked down, but most just stayed frozen in the thick, almost solid air of this moment.

And Remy, he had no idea why he was doing this; he just let himself go, out of the apartment and then here, because he didn't want to come here, to the mansion, ever again, let alone to her funeral. ("Funeral". He couldn't even say the word in his mind). But also, he couldn't miss the chance of being near her one more time… being a part of something where she was still around, where her presence in the world was still acknowledged.

But he wanted to leave. But he wanted to stay and dig her out from that dark place they wanted to lock her in.

A sob coming from the speakers broke the silence and startled some of the attendees. Kitty covered her mouth with both hands, then walked quickly towards her seat and sank her face in Piotr's hug.

Remy glared at Jean one more time and turned around to have it right before his eyes. The coffin, which brought another wave of ache to his system.

"Do y' think dey give a shit 'bout any of y'?" he claimed, still gawping at the… object: "Dey don't. Y're all worthless. But she isn't… she is… she was…"

Somewhere in the second row of chairs, Logan took a step forward, but Storm made him stop and instead, she was the one to move to the front.

"Remy" she uttered in a low voice, close to him: "Out of respect for Rogue, please… let's go inside".

He looked at her with a frown, as if he was trying to get what she meant. Respect for Rogue? How could anyone dare to talk to him about that? But maybe she was right. This was pointless, in any case.

He glanced at the coffin one last time and walked away.

(…)

Remy hung the duffel bag on his shoulder and headed out of what used to be his bedroom, never to come back. He had decided to go in there one last time to pick up a couple of things he didn't even care much about, but he wanted to leave behind as least as possible. His head was still spinning, feeling heavy and unclear, like a fever. Nevertheless, when passing right before the kitchen, alcohol called him, from somewhere in the pantry or the fridge.

He needed to keep forgetting, if that made any sense.

The bag went to lie on the floor as he opened up a beer; it wasn't much, but it would do in the meantime. The house still felt so empty, unnecessarily big and useless. That's right, they were all useless. Everything was.

After taking a large sip, his eyes unwillingly laid on that corner of the kitchen where she had been preparing dinner little ago. This was a place she was used to, where she had been so many times… would there be any trace of her in this space? On that counter, just somewhere, something of hers, that could remain?

He finished up the beer, let the bottle fall in the trash can and turned around to leave.

The now too familiar pang of burning hatred hit him again in the stomach.

Scott was standing there, facing him.

It was impossible to read his eyes, because they were hidden as usual, the coward. On the other hand, Remy's shouted scorn. Revenge. Because it wasn't enough with the way his face looked already, a jumble of swelling, scabs and bruises underneath and around those stupid eyeglasses.

Nothing would ever be enough. Not even actually killing him.

"Gambit, I need to tell you… some things" he spoke, his broken upper lip pulsing with each word. "I… long time ago I fought Shaw. We did, the X-Men, we confronted him. And… he said something, he hated humans, normal humans, he wanted to wipe them off of the Earth, and he said, I remember, he said that he would fight us, but that it'd be a very… unfair fight, because he'd never kill fellow mutants. He said it, I swear. Maybe it makes no sense now, but he said it. And when he wanted… the code for Cerebro, I remembered that and I thought… I swear I thought he wouldn't kill her, I thought he was just threatening us, that he would… do something else, I don't know. But I swear, my God, I swear I didn't think he would do it. Had I known it, I would have told him the code right away, I swear."

Remy didn't move a muscle. What was he supposed to feel for this asshole? Sympathy?

"The Professor instructed me on Cerebro not falling into the wrong hands, and now Shaw and Emma did something to people's minds… to humans' minds, they're trying to control them and I think they can do it, and we need to do something about that, we will tomorrow, but I know… I know that doesn't even matter because of what I've done and…" He seemed truly desperate. Not that Remy gave a damn. "…and I wish I could turn back time and… give them the damn code already, I wish I could. But I can't. And I'm so sorry, Gambit… I… I did care about Rogue…"

That was it.

Remy pushed Scott against the wall, making him wince in the pain of his previous wounds.

"Y' don't say her name ever again" he hissed.

"I'm sorry, man… I'm so sorry…"

Was he crying?

This was the reason she was dead. This fucking pushover.

He'd kill him. It wouldn't be much of a loss.

"This won't fix anything" Remy heard behind his back, when he was this close to punch the grey matter out of Scott.

"Fuck you" he spat, the only thing his mind was able to put together.

"Gambit, this won't bring Rogue back" Logan went on.

Remy released Cyclops and furiously walked to the opposite side of the kitchen.

Scott was breathing heavily.

"I talked with Hank, Storm and Jean this morning" the Canadian said. "I'm letting you know that from now on, you're relieved from your field leader functions. Permanently". Scott looked at Logan in grimace. It seemed he was about to say something, but then just pursed his lips. "Jean begged for us to let you stay, by the way, so you're lucky we don't kick you out. Hell, you're lucky I don't gut you myself".

Cyclops nodded slowly, in defeated comprehension.

After a short while, he just walked out of the kitchen like a zombie.

This left Logan and Remy there, not exactly best friends but certainly not enemies this time. Because the pain was the same; in different ways, for sure, but it was still the same pond of crap.

Anyway, none of them said a word. None of them looked at the other.

Remy picked up his bag and went out the door.

(…)

He was quickly leaving behind buildings, houses and trees, on his way back to his apartment. Usually, the wind would be chillier, but tonight it was more on the warm side; it hit his face as he sped his bike up some more.

The pavement swayed a little; he could see the way it kind of zoomed in and out to his itchy eyes. The thought of Rogue was there, floating in the center of his brain; however, it was strange, but he didn't want to go deep into that. He didn't want to think and feel the overwhelming sorrow once and again.

It all paraded in the back of his mind, though: the sharp sound of the gunshot, Rogue lying on the ground… Scott's apology, he had some nerve to even show his face… her green open eyes, that looked like glass… he gave her a ride the other day on this very bike and he didn't want to think anymore, he wanted to erase all of this forever, because it was too much… and why did that demon pick her? Why not someone else? Whoever. Himself. She said his name in her last breathe…

The sky was purple with twilight and he revved up some more.

Why did she have to be at the mansion on that Saturday night? Not many people were home then, why her? Why didn't he insist on going to the movies, or on just going out for dinner or whatever? Why didn't she go out with Amara and those girls? He knew they barely even talked but who cared, why wasn't she with them, somewhere, anywhere else, away from the lunacy that would follow up? He needed to hurry up, get home and drink because it had scrambled his insides to see that horrible coffin and to hear that _cretin_ say "Had I known, had I known…"

" _Salaud_ " Remy muttered. "Had you known, you dick, but you didn't, you wouldn't" and the black coffin was there and all of those meaningless people were there, what did they even care? Maybe Storm… yes, she did care, he was sure, after Rogue, she was the person he trusted the most and cared about the most in the mansion, in a different way of course, and perhaps the _Chaton,_ it's starting to rain, they were friends, Kitty and Rogue, they were roommates for while and she had freaked out a lot, poor thing, the damn Cyclops would like to turn back time, well, no one could want it more than himself, if only he could turn back time, and Shadowcat seemed truly sad and if only he could…

The brakes of the motorbike were pulled to a whole stop, making the tires screech and the whole thing describe a half circle on the pavement. The machine stumbled a bit, but he was able to steady it.

His hair was already wet with rain, but it also felt like some sort of door that was at the bottom of his head had just opened up.

He stood there for some more seconds, a couple of cars passing him by. Then, he hurried to turn the bike around and headed back to the mansion.

 _Note: I think this is probably the longest chap I've ever written, because I usually make my chaps be between 1000 and 2500 words, but darn, I couldn't take anything away from this one. It had to be this way. Woo! It took me a whole week, also. So if you've made it this far, first and foremost: thanks so much for reading! And secondly, a review wouldn't take much more extra time, now would it? (*wink wink*) So I'd really appreciate if you guys let me know what you think of this. Thanks again and I hope to be updating sometime in the next 7 days._


	4. Chapter 4: Time

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 4: Time.

Remy tossed the duffel bag away, somewhere in the garage. The key to his bike, he left it in the ignition. He left a trace of water and mud footsteps on the marble and wood floors, as he hurried his way towards the mansion's dorm rooms.

How didn't he remember about it before? It must have been the clutter of sorrow and alcohol, what clouded over his neurons; now, as he went up the staircase, it all seemed so crystal clear.

And if there was a chance, even the slightest one… he would hold on to it.

He needed to get his senses on place, maybe drink some water… but there was no time for that, so he just rubbed his eyes several times and then his whole face.

Maybe he knocked on the door too hard. It didn't matter. He knocked again.

Few moments later, someone opened up.

She seemed a little surprised to see him, but that feeling was quickly overcome by the remains of those days' main concern: her eyes were still swollen and her nose, all red and puffy, like she had a cold. He was about to say something but right then, he noticed someone else was in the bedroom.

" _Désolé, s_ orry t' bother y', I just…"

Piotr stood up from the pink sofa and approached to them.

He had to think of something.

"I, it's… y' an' Rogue were best friends, right?"

Kitty placed some strands of hair behind her ear and nodded:

"I think so, yeah. At least she's… was, my best friend".

"Yeah, well, I'd just like t'…" He didn't have to make an effort to seem frantic, because he was: "…talk 'bout… her, for a little while, y' know her better than anyone 'round here, can we do that?"

As tired as she looked, she replied right away:

"Okay". She looked at Piotr: "Could you…?"

The Russian seemed reluctant for a second, but then he just nodded:

"Yes, I will be around. So sorry" and saying this, he patted Remy's shoulder twice and left.

Usually, Kitty would have just peeked through the door and then traversed back in with the person who was visiting her. But she wasn't in the mood, of course. So Remy just entered the bedroom and she closed the door behind her back.

"So… yeah?" she said softly, picking up a tissue and wiping her nose. She didn't think she was ready to help anyone feel better, because she was feeling pretty bad herself. However, Remy looked like a mess and she always knew, ever since he moved in the mansion and started to hang out with Rogue, even though she'd always say they were just friends and that he didn't mean anything else; she knew Remy did feel a lot for Rogue. And it had just been confirmed these days.

And how would he put it? Maybe it was best to be as straight forward as possible.

" _Petite_ … y' have t' help Rogue". At first there was a baffled look in her eyes. Then, a hint of realization. Next, tension. "Y' can do it, right?" he said: "I know y' can, y' the only one who can".

Her brows furrowed in fright. This girl was an open book. "Wha… what do you mean?"

Remy came closer to her and hunched a little, so his face would be at a closer height to hers:

"Y' know exactly what I mean".

(…)

 _"…so, like… is it really true, Professor? Can I do that?"_

 _"You posses the ability, the mutant power, yes. However, as I told you, it is very dangerous. Going back in time, changing the past… I believe it would bring more damage than good"._

 _"I know, right? It's totally creepy"._

 _"That's why the best thing to do is to keep it quiet"._

 _"Yeah, I guess… I mean, I'm sure everyone would ask me to go back and, I don't know, have more time to study Maths or go to an exam knowing the answers already, that kind of stuff, you know?"_

 _"I'm afraid so. And even worst. Time is such a fragile thing. Too overwhelming for us to comprehend as a whole"._

 _"And… did you always know it?"_

 _"I knew it since you first arrived to the Institute. I am sorry I never let you know but I thought it would be better that way"._

 _"It's okay. Maybe it was"._

 _"Let's keep it that way, shall we?"_

 _"Yeah, I promise. My lips are sealed"._

 _"Good"._

 _"Thanks Professor. I better get going."_

 _"..."_

 _"…"_

 _"Mr. LeBeau, it appears to me that listening behind doors is not the best way to make a good impression on your first week as a resident of this institute"._

 _"…"_

 _"…"_

 _"Y' got me. But then, guess tryin' t' fool a telepath ain't the smartest thing to do"._

 _"Most likely"._

 _"I just heard y' talkin' an'…will you erase my memory or somethin'?"_

 _"I… will not. Instead, I expect you won't say a word about it. How about that?"_

 _"What, is it some sort of… trust exercise?"_

 _"We could say that indeed"._

 _"_ D'accord _, in that case: y' don't have t' worry 'bout it. Remy didn't hear a word."_

 _(…)_

Remy had only given a thought to it that very night, months ago, when he was about to go to bed. He had always dealt with things as they came, taking his own chances, so the idea of going back in time wasn't too appealing for him. It sounded more like something suited for people who didn't know what they wanted or who wouldn't face the consequences of their actions. Also, to believe it was possible, he'd have to see it first, and since it wasn't keeping him from sleep, he just let the whole thing go and it became a distant, forgotten memory of something he might even have misheard. Or misinterpreted. Maybe the Professor and the _Chaton_ were talking metaphorically, who knows.

But as he drove his motorbike, with the grey pavement flashing before his eyes and the idea of Rogue being no more, stumbling against the insides of his skull... he remembered.

Was it possible?

He was now holding on to it like clutching at straws.

"I…" Kitty was breathing heavily; more than that, she seemed terrified: "I didn't know… you heard that".

"I did an' it wasn't my intention, I'm sorry, but right now _petite,_ I really need t' know if it's true, if it's possible. Can y'… go back in time? Send _me_ back in time, anythin' like dat?"

She knew she wasn't the best at keeping secrets, so all this time hiding that thing from the rest of the house inhabitants had been especially tricky for her. She had succeeded, though, after several times of mentally slapping herself when she got way too chatty during a slumber party with the girls or a "truth or dare" night with the guys.

But this was different.

How could she hide it now, when his eyes were begging her for the truth? A truth that could… yes, it could, maybe… bring Rogue back. Maybe?

"Remy…" she went to sit on the fuchsia sofa, not quite knowing where to place her own hands: "It's not that simple".

His heart started to race again; it felt like it had been dead for the two previous days and was just now beating for real again.

"Then how is it?!" he went and crouched besides her: "Kitty, this be Rogue's life we're talkin' 'bout…"

"I know!"

"…an' if there's a tiny chance y' can help her, please, _s'il te plait..._ she's yer friend, right? We gotta help her, just tell me how".

"That's the thing!"

"What?"

"The thing! Like… I don't know how to do it 'cause… I don't remember ever doing it. And technically I haven't. You know what I mean?"

He shrugged and shook his head, because the details and implications of time travel, as science fiction as it sounded, were meaningless to him. If it was easy, difficult, challenging, insane, he didn't care, as long as it meant Rogue would be alive again.

"I had a feeling something like this would happen. Eventually, you know? It's so scary because..." His expectant stare told her she should go straight to the point: "What I mean is: I don't know if I've taken people back in time. Because it never happened. See, imagine I send you back right now and you change stuff in the past. This moment and this conversation, they'll never happen, everything's different. That's why, if I have, like, done it… I really haven't."

" _Dieu_ …" he ran his hand over jaw, trying to get the whole thing. "'Kay… so if y've sent someone back, y' wouldn't know it".

"Yeah. Well…"

The vacillation in her expression didn't go unnoticed to him.

"What? What is it?"

"It's… there's someone who… I know I sent back".

"Okay, great, so…"

"And I know it 'cause, apparently, I asked him to tell me. My God, this is too weird".

" _Non, non_ , dis be phenomenal, _petite_." He stood up and dragged a purple chair to sit on it: "What this person told y'? How does it work? What do I gotta do?"

"He didn't say much. I asked him not to tell me much, or so he said, does this make any sense? Well… he just told me that I was able to do that total craziness and I freaked out, then he said I had kept him back there for only 35 or 40 minutes, it can't be any longer, but that it had been enough for him to, like, fix whatever thing I don't even want to know about, and… that was it".

"Rally? Just dat?"

"I swear!"

"Alright, alright, that's somethin' we can work with, 40 minutes…"

"Or 35."

"Right" he said, his mind going a million miles per hour now: "An' how does it work? What do I gotta do?"

"Remy: I-don't-know! That's what I'm telling you, for all I know, you could get stuck between times or get trapped somewhere or even… die".

"For all y' know? An' how do y' know it?"

Kitty bit her lower lip. It was strange but, in a way, she knew there was no way around this. Not because Remy asked her to, but because she wanted it as well. She couldn't know there was an actual chance to bring Rogue back and not go for it. It was unthinkable.

That didn't make her less scared, though.

"That day you heard us, the Professor and I talked for a while. He told me it was very dangerous, not only to the… traveler as such, my God this sounds like a movie, but to… time in general. He said that things that happened couldn't be changed, like, a lot. Because it'd scramble stuff, I don't know, I don't even know what I'm saying!"

"Okay, _non_ , it's clear, no prob… but y' know what, _petite_? I think it can't be that difficult."

She stared at him with eyes like plates:

"Like… are you serious?"

" _Oui, oui,_ listen: how y' go through walls? If I asked y' t' explain it, how would y'?"

The girl thought about this for some moments, with furrowed brows:

"I don't know… I just do it".

" _Voilá_! That's the point, see, I can't explain how I charge stuff…" he took a Kleenex from the package that was resting on the dressing table; the tissue gleamed in pale red for a second, or even less, but it quickly came back to its previous color: "Guess it's like.. blinkin' or snappin' your fingers, y' just do it. 'Cause we can. Right? Maybe y' can do the same with this thing an' y' wouldn't know how to, 'til y' try".

She observed the Kleenex that was lying there, bursting with energy a moment ago and now, just plain.

"Maybe you're right" she nodded softly.

" _Très bien!"_ He got up again. "So let's go, let's do it".

"What?"

"What we gonna wait for? Send me back right now!"

"Okay and what's the plan?"

"I haven't really thought 'bout dat but…"

"Well you should! And, like, carefully, 'cause you gotta keep on mind it's only like 40 minutes, and you could become a freaking shadow in no man's land, I mean, are you sure about this, Remy?"

He hadn't felt more sober in ages:

"Hundred per cent."

"Okay, my God, you're even crazier than Rogue used to say."

This made his stomach twitch a little:

"She said that?"

They both kept silence for some moments, as if she could somehow hear or see them. Now that the possibility of bringing her back was almost tangible, her presence felt so real, as if she had just been out of town and would return all of a sudden.

"Yeah…" Kitty smiled sadly: "You really _liked_ her, didn't you?"

" _Non_ " he said: "I _like_ her. An' I love her".

She wished Rogue could hear this and, furthermore, that she would believe in his words, come out of her shell and accept she loved him too. All of that seemed too far away, of course, but she could tell when two people were meant to be; or so she liked to think. Maybe Remy had been their enemy what seemed like centuries ago, but now, she knew he meant every word. After all, not anyone would go blindly on an uncanny mission, risking himself to maybe, just maybe, save someone from death.

"Okay" she started to walk around the room: "You need to rest and get rid of your… drunkenness. Sleep it off, get some coffee, I don't know. You need to be, like, focused for this, okay?"

 _"Bien sur_ " he stood up as well, a new rush of excitement running through him.

"Tomorrow, in the afternoon, like at… 4 pm, you come here".

"Tomorrow?! Why…?"

"Yeah! Tomorrow. You need to rest, I need to rest and, like, figure things out. Think about how I'm gonna do this, oh God, if I mess up…

"You won't!" he hurried to say: "You won't _petite_ , it'll work out just fine. Hey, y' can walk through walls, y' can walk me through time, right?"

For no reason at all, she suddenly remembered one day not too long ago, when Rogue came to her bedroom and borrowed a book. Something so ordinary back then, now a memory of someone who was as alive as she was now. But wasn't anymore.

She couldn't let her down.

"Right… I hope so".

(…)

It was already dark outside when he got back to the room he thought he would never return to.

He avoided the window all along, because he knew that if he went any closer to it, he wouldn't be able to fight away the impulse of looking out and seeing out there the exact spot where they had… (could he finish the sentence in his mind? Put words to the thought?) …buried her. It required a colossal effort to think about it as a real fact.

But that would change soon. And that grave would be gone.

He wandered around his bedroom for a while, taking a shower, putting on some clean clothes, drinking large gulps of water directly from a jar he brought from the kitchen. Every object in there (there weren't too many) seemed so useless and dead, as if some kind of expectation had deprived them from any meaning. Like the air was still. Like time had stopped.

It did for him the moment she said his name for the last time, anyway.

But now he could change that. He could make things the way they were supposed to happen.

"Question is… how?"

He lied on his bed, hands crossed underneath his neck and stared at the ceiling, while his mind pondered the infinite options on how to do this. There was no doubt about it: he needed a plan, like the little _Chat_ had said, if he wanted things to work out.

It had to be simple and effective, a short cut, just something that would trim a little bit the loose ends of time, and therefore keep her safe.

And he would do it no matter what, but in spite of that, he couldn't help to wonder… where she was now. He had never been the most religious person; damn, he went to the church for the last time when he was maybe 9 years old, on a little blue navy suit his _Tante_ made him wear. Never again after that. He guessed there had to be something, _someone_ , or else nothing at all would make the tiniest sense. But how could he or anyone be sure? He wasn't. Maybe there was nothing, just a plain and futile afterlife of nothing, like sleeping with no dreams, only with no waking up alarm or sunrise. Whatever the case, Rogue knew it now. She was there or more like she wasn't, simply gone and proving all of our efforts in this existence are worthless.

How can someone that was alive days ago, be somewhere so far away, or be nowhere, or don't be? He wished he could ask her: where she was, if anywhere at all; how was it, was she scared?

Either way, he'd turn every goddamn thing around.

"I'll bring y' back, _chere… je promets…"_

His mind was a mixture of courses of actions that superimposed on each other, and images of her green eyes, when he fell asleep, way earlier than he had in ages.

(…)

It was still ten minutes to four, but he'd go insane if he had to wait another second. So he exited his bedroom and headed to the girls' dorm rooms' area.

He'd woken up a little before noon, with a way clearer head. The anticipation of seeing Rogue again, alive and beautiful and clueless to all of this madness, gave him a sort of vertigo, a void in the stomach, a chill that traversed him every time the idea took form.

It wouldn't be long 'til then.

A while (that seemed more like decades) later, he'd gone to the kitchen to grab something to eat. The hallways, staircases and common areas of the mansion were unusually quiet.

"Where this people at? Savin' the world again?"

He was done with that, for sure, and only cared about saving her.

The rest of the time he spent it in his bedroom, sitting here, walking from here to there, eating into each unbearable tic of the clock.

Right before knocking, it occurred to him that maybe Kitty had left with everyone else. But then he thought she wouldn't do that to Rogue; she'd keep her word.

Right?

A serious face popping up through the door answered that question on its own. There were still traces of rings under her eyes.

"Ready?" she asked.

"More than ever, _petite_ ".

She nodded and held his right forearm, pulling him inside the room.

"I had to make up this huge story about being sick in the stomach, you know? So I could stay home" she started top remove the many pillows and stuffed animals from her bed and placing them on the sofa.

"An' I thank y' for that. Where they go?"

"Don't you know it? Well, I guess not, sorry… this Shaw guy and that Emma slut are controlling some people's minds, with the Cerebro thing they did. So, it's a long story but they want to start a war between humans and mutants and whatever. The guys went to try and stop them".

"Great. Good luck with that" he just said.

"Yeah…" She stood there for some moments, doubting herself once and again.

"So, we ready t' go?"

"I guess" she said, still frowning a little: "This is gonna sound really weird but, can you lie there?"

He did it without a second thought. Her bed, however, wasn't large enough for him, so there was no room for his feet and a portion of his legs.

"It's 'kay, don't worry" he assured her.

"No, just let me… So, Remy, I forgot to tell you, but this is how it's supposed to work" she went to get the chair and placed it there so his feet rested on it. "You'll sort of wake up, like, in your body at the moment you're going back to, okay?"

"Thanks, 'kay, that sounds like a piece of cake t' me".

"Really?" she sat in Indian position on the bed, with her back to the headboard. Then, looked down to face him:

"Another thing."

" _Oui_?"

"I don't want to know what plan you came up with, but whatever it is, promise me no one else will get hurt".

He had considered this possibility, of course; he was sure he had pondered things from every angle.

"I promise, _petite_. No one gets hurt".

"All right" she sighed. "You do know I have no idea what I'm doing, right?"

"Not important. Me neither, 'member?"

She gave him a small and worried smile:

"Okay… close your eyes".

He obeyed and next, he sensed the light contact of her fingertips on both of his temples.

Then he heard her mutter:

"Oh God, let this work out…"

 **Note: Some of you guessed time travel would be involved in this, so kudos for you. I thought, hey, if a major X-Men commercial movie can have people travelling back in time, I can do it too in my little fic. Also, please remember English is not my native, I hope everything made sense here. And please don't leave without reviewing! Reviews are like my life fuel XD Thanks for reading! And reviewing.**


	5. Chapter 5: Again

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 5: Again.

"Okay, now try to focus in the moment you want to, like… go back to".

At first, Remy started to picture the kitchen and the way it looked three days ago, the sounds, the smells of butter and spices… but he quickly realized that wasn't the path to follow, because it all seemed too abstract and random.

So he pushed that away and instead, the image of her hands spread itself inside his mind. Her gloves were put away that evening, as she was preparing the dinner they never had. And at the same pace as the bed underneath his body and the room around him disappeared, her hands and wrists got clearer, almost physically visible and tangible. He could see her polish free, short nails; her long fingers that sank in the dough and emerged again, her knuckles and how clear her skin was.

 _I'm gonna go get y',_ chere…

And as flour particles floated in the air and she became less and less merciful with the dough, the green color of her sweater popped up; it was tight and the sleeves were rolled a little bit up her forearms and was it the same color of her eyes? No, not exactly the same, but it was there too: the look in her eyes when she asked him to go and bring some more olive oil and whatever he said then, he couldn't remember, but whatever it was, it made her laugh; he heard her, and next _Just go an' get me some darn oil, would yah?_

 _I'm comin' for y', just wait…_

And right when he could see her as a whole, when her presence was almost real and the memory was vivid enough for him to wish he could just stay and live in it, everything disappeared: every sensation, whether it was real, imagined or remembered, was swept away in a second, leaving him in a complete and empty nothing.

 _All right, here we go, this gotta be good…_

Only his mind, thoughts in words that rushed and stumbled against each other, existed. The rest was blank.

It didn't last too long. Next thing he knew, his brain was hit and shaken by a wave of who knows what, and in another jolt, he was able to regain awareness of his own body.

It was dark, though.

He was dizzy.

He ran his right hand over his face and for a fraction of a second, feared it hadn't worked out and would find himself again just in Kitty's room, with the unbearable weight of Rogue's death choking him to no end.

A faint clarity started to fill his range of vision, blurry, but getting more and more visible each time. He realized he was standing and there was something in his hand. He brought it closer to his face in order to examine it. He had to reach out with his other hand and hold on to something, when the cylindrical shape of a glass bottle with a green tag took shape before his eyes.

" _Mon Dieu, c'est pas possible_ " he exhaled to himself, as everything came in focus: dozens of food items in the shelves, the faint hum of the freezers and the line of light that came inside the room and illuminated a row of tuna cans. "Y' did it _petite, c'est incroyable_ " he said again, as everything fell into place.

So there was no time to lose. He left the bottle somewhere and headed out, down the short hallway.

Now, when he was about to turn around the corner that led to the kitchen, he stopped in his tracks, a pang of fear hitting him in the stomach. She had to be there. But what if not? What if, because of some sort of cursed mishap, she wasn't?

But then again, he reminded himself every second was precious, so with a racing heart and rushed breathing, he took another step and looked towards…

For the three longest days of his life, a stone had been crushing him from inside, right from the center of his chest. But it dissolved and just evaporated thoroughly in the blink of an eye, when the most miraculous thing that could happen to someone who has lost somebody, happened to him.

He had to gasp for more air, because every second of pain was washed away by her existence. Her actual, current existence and presence, right there, only steps away, with her back to him.

A warm sensation grew in the back of his eyes, but he pushed it away. There would be time to watch her, for everything to sink in and to revolve in the raw bliss that this was; to talk and maybe tell her about all of this (would he ever tell her? He hadn't made up his mind about it yet). But now, he had to move.

So he approached.

"Is there any?" she asked over her shoulder.

" _Chere_ …" he was already by her side and it took some moments for her to finally turn her head and lay eyes on him.

"Hm? Did yah…?" she frowned, in a mixture of concern and suspicion: "Yah okay?"

Her voice. Her eyes. Her lips and long neck. The white locks of hair. The pretty freckle. They were all there, proving him wrong, proving the whole world and the laws of reason and life and death, wrong.

" _Cherie_ , I know this will sound completely nuts, but for once, I need y' t' do exactly as I tell y' and I promise, I swear I'll explain everythin' later, tonight, but y' gotta trust me this time, no questions, just do as I say, will y'?"

Her hands, sticky with flour and dough, had stopped mid way a dish and the cut board and were now immobile in the air. She stared at him for some moments and a sneer finally took over her features:

"What?"

"Y' heard me, now, will y' do as I say?"

"Remy…" she started to chuckle: "What did y' smoke?"

"Nothin', I'm dead serious here" he turned the stove off.

"Hey!? What's wrong with y'?" she complained.

"Rogue!" he realized he'd raised his voice a little too much, but damn, the situation required it. He knew he'd have to face this sort of resistance; however, he had to defeat it, at least this one time. So he held her by her shoulders and stared into her eyes: "Do y' trust me?"

This man she had in front of her, was entirely different from the one that went to get olive oil a couple minutes before. Was it possible?

Any trace of amusement vanished from her face. In a way, she thought he was kidding or trying to pull God knows what kind of trick on her. Maybe it was like that wolf story: since they were joking around at least half of the time, it was hard to believe he meant something serious this time. But she had got to know him and in all honesty, she had never seen this look in his eyes, not even during their most dangerous field missions, when their lives had been in imminent danger. And his question hit the nail perfectly: did she trust him enough to blindly go along with… whatever this was?

"Yeah."

"Good, then come with me" he grabbed her by and arm and led her out of the kitchen.

"Wait! Remy! Let me wash mah hands at least..."

"No time."

"Gawd, yah better have a damn good explanation for this!"

"Oh I do, trust me."

"Then what is it? Just tell me!" she managed to set her arm free as they walked down a hallway.

"I'll tell y', I promise! But y' said y' trusted me, right? Y' can't unsay it, now let's go, please?"

This was getting a bit exasperating for her: "Ah'm gonna regret this".

She kept walking and he did the same, reaching the mansion's garage soon.

"Wait, where are we goin'?"

He took a set of keys from a hanger and headed to a car they called "community car", because it belonged to everybody in the mansion and nobody at the same time.

"Remy?" he got on, started the engine and then jumped out: "What in the world…?"

"Listen t' me _cherie_ , y' gonna take this car an' drive outta here, go downtown, stay there a couple hours an' then come back. Easy peasy, 'kay?"

She stared at him in disbelief: "An' why would Ah possibly do that?! What are yah up to?"

"Rogue…" he had to convince her; he would: "If I told y' I'm comin' back from the future, would y' believe it?"

There was the sneer again.

"All right, Ah'm gonna fuck yah up if yah don't tell me what this was 'bout when Ah get back" she laughed and thanks to his lucky stars, she got on the car.

"Okay, yeah, please do" he pushed the door closed and took another look at her through the smoked window. He thought she might roll it down and throw another remark, but she just glimpsed at him, shook her head and took off.

He made sure the car was out of sight before coming back inside.

The possibility of Rogue not agreeing to go away had been present from the moment he started to analyze this course of action; but he didn't underestimate the power of her mischievousness. Sure, she was stubborn as hell, but she also enjoyed a good game, a dare, even when she wasn't the perpetrator but the object of it, and though curiosity was probably consuming her now, the chance of getting to know what was actually happening, had made her play by his rules.

When he found himself in the kitchen again, he wished he could have spent more time with her, peeling away the remains of the previous days' ache. But that wasn't important now, there would be plenty of time for it. Now he had to keep everyone else safe and he knew exactly how to do it. He just had to wait…

He didn't wait long.

Soon enough, he was lying on the floor, unable to move.

(…)

"I believe I have everyone's attention now, don't I?"

Kitty had been the last one to wake up, and was now sitting there all frightened. It was beyond strange to live this again, like rewatching a movie he had been trying to forget. They were all so clueless… how could they imagine what would happen next? What happened next, what he was about to change, what he had changed already? How would the _petite fille_ even envisage he knew about her time traveling stuff, and that he was there because she had sent him back? It could give anyone a headache.

Not to him right then, though.

Just like a movie, yes; he could remember the script.

"I'm gonna cut your goddamn head off".

"Good luck with that. Keep trying to cut through it, please. It amuses me".

"Enough with the chatter, you'll tell us what you want right now".

Remy didn't move; he was just waiting for the right moment. He felt somehow like an intruder or an outsider, because he knew things the rest didn't; that no one else in the world could know.

"…I need the security code to open up and activate Cerebro. And I need it now".

Without thinking, he reached for the collar in his neck. It was there and working, but it didn't matter. He didn't need his powers to save Rogue. To fix things.

"…But then again, who? Who will he tell this little secret to? If not… to his pet? The second in charge, correct? Cyclops?"

Not yet. It wasn't time yet. But almost…

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Almost…

"Of course! Of course, silly me. Your memory only needs a little push. Azazel, bring…"

Now.

"Wait!"

Remy's heart skipped a beat.

This wasn't in the script.

"What is it, my queen?" Shaw turned towards Emma, who had just spoken.

She was focused on something no one else could see; something only her telepath's mind was able to reach. Finally, she seemed to come back:

"Honey" she told Shaw: "Someone's coming. Someone just entered the mansion. She's one of them".

" _Non_ …" Remy couldn't help to mutter, though no one paid attention to him. His hands and knees instantly felt like made of cotton. It couldn't be…

"Well, let's go welcome her, then. Azazel, bring her".

The teleporter nodded and vanished. Five tormenting seconds later, he was back with a cloud of reddish smoke.

Remy approached to the front of the force field, as the smoke whirled away and up. His thoughts flew in different directions and all of them led to horror when he saw her, already wearing the collar.

"Get off me! What's this? What's happenin'? Remy?"

The look of confusion she shot at him pierced him like a sword. What could she be thinking? That he had anything to do with this?

"You've arrived to the party right on time, dear. See, my fellow mutants, as you must know by now, humans, regular humans, are not precisely my favorite people…"

First off, Remy felt like a complete idiot. How could he let this happen? He was the only one who could fix everything and now… It made no sense. He had thought about every possible scenario… except this one. Why did she have to come back?

He saw her being forced to kneel again, then the gun being pointed to her head, then her trembling lips, saying that hopeless _goodbye_ again…

It made no sense.

"Listen t' me Scott, listen up: if y' don't tell him the goddamn code, he's gonna kill her, 'kay?"

"I don't know it!" Cyclops replied, miserably failing to hide his lie.

"Like hell y' do!" Remy retorted, searching inside his memories for any hint of the stupid code. He had been so desperate and angry the previous time, he couldn't remember a thing about it. Except… "It was somethin' with countries, say it now."

Scott stared at him for some moments and then faced Shaw again:

"Shaw, listen to me, I don't know who told you this information but…"

"One".

The leader of the X-Men didn't see the fist that turned his head around coming. Pain spread all over the side of his face as he regained balance and realized it had been Gambit.

"Stop it!" Jean yelled: "What are you doing? He doesn't know it!"

"Two" Remy heard, as he attempted not to lose it even more.

"He does know it!" he bellowed: "Spit it out already before I… before…" Threats hadn't worked out the previous time. But maybe… maybe they would if he… "Before I kill her" he pointed at Jean, right before everyone's horrified eyes and shrieks.

"Cut it, Gumbo!" Logan moved forward and restrained him, and then the two men started struggling against each other.

"Three" Shaw continued, then turned to Emma: "Are these morons supposed to be the hope of mutant kind and humanity? Of peace? Give me a break. They can't even keep peace among themselves, FOUR!"

"He's gonna kill 'er!" Remy shouted.

Scott spoke again: "All right, there must be something like a code somewhere in the computers, but we need time to look for it, if you just let us…"

"Five".

"…find it, we can get it, we'll give it to you."

"He's telling the truth!" Jean cried.

An avalanche of questions was roasting his brain, all of them starting with the word _how_. How was this possible? How could he allow this to happen? How…?

He stopped struggling and Logan finally released him.

How could he be so stupid? How could things be so messed up?

"Eight".

"Say it, Scott". Storm told him: "Say it now, please".

"But the Professor…"

How could he come up with such a ridiculous, worthless, pathetic plan? How couldn't he convince Rogue to stay out?

Voices became far away echoes as he turned to look at her. His entire soul crumbled when he saw her like that. Again. Crying, eyes closed, head low, having hope? Knowing this was the end?

How could everything fall apart like this?

"Ten".

Would she…?

"Remy…" she called, her face covered in tears.

He wished time could stop as well as turn back, so he could spend some more minutes, hours, days in that moment, as they sank in each other's eyes and…

"I'm sorry" he pronounced so she could read his lips.

How could he see her die again?

He didn't know how. But he had to anyway, as the gun was shot and Rogue fell to the front. Again.

Silence.

Kitty screaming.

Shaw speaking.

And then everything was gone, including his own body. Complete darkness, void and emptiness. Again.

 **Note: And this is how things get even more depressing. I mean, when things are meant to happen, they are meant to happen. Or not? Let's see if our dear Remy can fix this mess up. Poor baby XD Btw I want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far! Now, what do you guys think of this chap?**


	6. Chapter 6: Same

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 6: Same.

The light around went from bright, to slight orange, to grey blue, as sunset stepped in. Remy didn't give a thought to it, anyway. The gardens that surrounded the mansion were wide and carpeted with grass, and he was sitting there on the ground, aware of the fact that regret is a living thing that eats people inside out, and it's probably the closest there is to hell.

Seeing her die again had been inhuman; the first time, at least, the whole thing had caught him off guard. But this time, he knew it; he knew what would happen and stupidly enough, wasn't able to avoid it. Did it make any sense?

"Rogue… I'm sorry…" he whispered: "I shoulda… _Dieu_ …"

He had forced himself to come out of his bedroom and walk down the empty corridors and stairs, to reach this exact spot, where that horrific thing stood; just an object, a piece of white rock, but was her life now reduced to this?

He read the scarce words and numbers hundreds of times ( _Rogue, 1994-2015. Beloved friend and X-Woman_ ) and they still held no meaning. They sickened him. This obviously wasn't Rogue, these letters carved in stone, this rectangular piece of land; he had been by her side, holding her arm, trying to save her, hours, moments ago.

"Why, _cherie_? Why did y' come back? It's my fault, I know, but why?"

The lengths of her stubbornness had surprised him in the worst way possible. And yes, it was his fault, because she had no idea what would happen or what she was getting herself into; on the other hand, he did, so it was his responsibility to keep her safe.

Everything had gone colossally downhill, maybe even worse than the first time. How could he threaten Jean like that? It'd been horrible and of course he wouldn't hurt her, but in the insanity of the moment, he'd have said anything, as absurd as it was, to try and help Rogue.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. There were supposed to be no loose ends, not this disaster that blew up in his face.

It was dark already when he headed back to his room. No one had arrived yet. He guessed they were still playing superhero about whatever thing Shaw was doing; he didn't care. All he wanted to do was wait for them, well, for Kitty to come back home. It felt so pitiable to ask her for it again, but as she had stated, technically he really hadn't, right?

And this time, he wouldn't fail. He trusted his memory well enough.

(…)

"Uh, hey Remy, what's up?"

When Kitty opened the door to her bedroom, she was still in her uniform, because everyone had got to the mansion just minutes ago. It was around 2 am and she looked as exhausted and cheerless as it can be.

"Hey _petite_ , listen, I know this is a little abrupt but…" he had carefully thought about what he would say and came to the conclusion that the best thing to do was to be as truthful and straightforward as possible: "Y' know why… Rogue wasn't home when those people arrived?"

"No, what do you mean?"

"I'd asked her to leave. 'Cause I knew what would happen. An' y' know how I knew it?"

It seemed he had caught her interest.

"How?" she said with a tiny voice and wide eyes.

"'Cause it'd already happened. Y' sent me back in time to keep her from dying but I couldn't save 'er, which is terrible, I know, but y' gotta send me back again, I know how t' stop it this time, I swear, y' just gotta help me again an' I'm sorry I ask for it again, y' told me y' don't know how to send people back and it was difficult an' dangerous but here we are, I'm in one piece, y' did send me but I was stupid enough not to get it right an' now… could y' do it again?"

Kitty's lips were parted in stun. She wasn't looking at Remy, but staring into empty space, like everything he had said was just sinking in. He thought it'd be hard to convince her, just like the previous time, but then, she simply nodded:

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Let's try that".

"Great, alright…"

"Just… come here tomorrow morning."

"Sure, thank y'."

She nodded again and closed the door.

(…)

He hadn't been able to sleep much, waking up startled every few minutes and checking the clock, only to realize it was still 3 am, 3:20 am, 4:10 am, 4:45 am. It was probably pointless to keep trying, so he sat up and started to repeat it over and over again, in his mind and out loud, until the first gleam of the morning light hit his window.

There'd be no mistakes this time.

It was excruciating to wait until 10 am, but he hadn't wanted to wake Kitty up so early. Finally, when he knocked on her door, she was wearing the same serious face she had the previous day. Well, the previous time that didn't really happen. Anyway…

"So… this is really weird" she said, placing the tips of her fingers on his temples: "I mean, it's weird to know that I did stuff that I don't remember, you know?"

" _Oui,_ these days have been beyond weird, no doubt 'bout it".

"Just… bring her back this time. Would you?"

"I promise. No mess-ups".

"Okay".

He closed his eyes and again, brought the image of her hands to his mind. Then her arms, her green sweater, her beautiful face… it was like both moments were combined inside his mind: the first time they were there cooking, and the second time, when he had tried to save her. Two parallel lives or universes, and there he went, about to build a third one. He hoped.

The expected emptiness came soon, with nothing but traces of thoughts and darkness all around.

He repeated it again, just to make time, because he was certain he already knew it by heart.

Then, he felt his body exist again, but numb and heavy; he couldn't take control of it as fast as the previous time. And also his mind was blurry, almost as if he was about to fall asleep or just waking up. Yes, it was different from the time traveling passage, as he decided to call it; he was just… half awake, half asleep… unable to move.

A faint voice reached his ears. It was... Storm? A fluorescent light hit his eyes and next, he saw the silver shining of…

He sat up immediately, his vision slowly adjusting to the surroundings. Jean was rubbing her head, Kurt and Kitty were still passed out, Logan was already trying to break through the force field, Cyclops just regaining consciousness now. And Rogue, she was there too, lying by his side, as a wave of relieve hit him from head to feet. It was too soon for it, the hardest part was yet to come, he knew it; but just seeing her, still asleep and still safe, was a miracle. Again.

He didn't pay attention to what was happening around. He already knew that part. Instead, he dared to bring his hand close to her face, to slightly brush her cheek and see how her eyelids flickered when he did so.

He said it in his mind once more.

Then, Rogue started waking up.

" _Chere_ , y' okay?"

Keeping her _okay_ was up to him, and that gave him a sudden vertigo.

When she realized he was too close, she pushed him away, maybe out of habit.

"No… what? What happened?" she said, looking around and reaching for the collar in her neck.

"They did" Remy uttered, gesturing in the direction he knew the _salauds_ were.

"I believe I have everyone's attention now, don't I?"

Anything he did could change things entirely, so he was trying to stick to the script as much as possible, staying in the background, helping Rogue to get on her feet. It was some sort of messed up roller coaster, to switch back and forth from her being alive, then being dead. He didn't think he could take it one more time, so this had to come out perfectly. It would.

"I need the security code to open up and activate Cerebro. And I need it now".

Remy said it in his mind for the millionth time: _Sweden, eight, Barbados, three, Egypt, zero, Ireland, nine, France, zero, Japan, two, Greenland, one, Kenya, seven_. Right when Rogue was shot the second time, he got in a state of shock in which the only thing to do not to collapse was holding on to reason. And reason quickly told him what to do when Jean was caught and Cyclops started saying the code. He had to memorize it. That was it. It was simpler than anything else, really. The first time he had wanted to keep her out of the house, just to be sure. But as we tend to forget, getting tangled in overthinking, sometimes the most obvious solution is the accurate one. So as Scott said the numbers and countries, as Rogue lied there and he turned to his senses, he grasped every word, every letter and repeated it like a mantra until their sound and meaning wore out.

He would just say the damn thing; Shaw would get whatever he wanted with Cerebro and then they would leave. A walk in the park. And he'd also provide the X-Men with entertainment for the next weeks, as they would fight Shaw and his people. Everyone would be happy. Nothing could go wrong.

"Azazel, bring one".

Remy heard this phrase louder than he had heard everything else, and it took a lot of willpower not to try to fight, as the guy took Rogue away.

"ROGUE! What y' gonna t' her?!" he shouted, for the sake of keeping up with the plan and not messing with the rough edges of time and possibilities.

Shaw's speech seemed to last forever, until he took out the pistol, which gave him a chill. The "let her go" he said after that came out very convincingly, considering he did feel dread, at the sight of the object that had already taken Rogue's life twice.

He hated to see her cry, to see her so terrified when she was forced to kneel, to say _goodbye_. However, he had to wait a little more.

 _Désolé, chere. Just hang in there. Just a lil' more, y' a strong girl, y' can do it._

Her sobs crushed him. But soon, all this madness would be over.

Scott stuck to his part, of course: "Shaw, listen to me, I don't know who told you this information but…"

"One".

The gun was pointed to her head.

 _Sweden, eight, Barbados, three, Egypt, zero, Ireland, nine, France, zero, Japan, two, Greenland, one, Kenya, seven_. _Sweden, eight, Barbados, three, Egypt, zero, Ireland, nine, France, zero, Japan, two, Greenland, one, Kenya, seven_.

He went over it again. And again.

"Two".

 _Hang in there, Rogue._

"Three".

It was time.

"Cyclops" Remy turned to Scott: "Tell 'im the code. Now".

"I don't know it!"

"You don't?" he nodded.

"Four".

"Too bad" Remy said: "But I do. Sweden".

As Emma turned to the keyboard to type letter S, Scott stared at the Cajun in utter disbelief:

"How do you…?"

Remy didn't bother in replying him:

"Eight, Barbados, three, Egypt, zero…"

"How do you know that?!" Cyclops repeated.

"That more important than savin' Rogue's life? Ireland, nine, France…"

"Gambit, shut up" Scott came to face him: "You don't understand, you can't just give away Cerebro's code, the information that is behind those gates could…"

"I don't give a rat's ass 'bout Cerebro. Zero, Japan, two…"

Cyclops kept talking but Remy didn't listen; he was just staring back at Rogue, who had a mixture of shock, hope and fear in her emerald eyes. Because of course the X-Men can always fix things, right? Even in the nick of the time, but they always got everything right.

"Greenland, one…"

"You must stop".

"Y' blind, Summers? Don't y' see there's a gun to her head? What am I thinkin', y' just don't care".

"Sorry to interrupt your little soap opera there" Emma spoke: "But I'd like to know the whole code, thank you".

"Kenya…"

"He is not going to kill her!"

"Seven. That's it, that's the code".

Shaw was staring at Emma impatiently, but when the final cipher was introduced, the gates of Cerebro opened up with a soft sound and the man gave a smirk to the telepath.

"Fantastic! Now you do your magic".

"It'll be my pleasure" the blonde entered the vast room and the gates closed behind her back.

Shaw's expression switched immediately: "Now, what was that last thing you said?"

It gave Remy a bad feeling when things got out of the script. But no, there was no need to worry.

"What?" Cyclops said, still too surprised that Gambit could actually know the code. He didn't believe the Professor would have let him know of it; he must have got it in some murky way, who knows with what intention.

"You said I wouldn't kill her" he was still holding the gun: "Why would you say that?"

He hesitated before speaking: "I don't know. I just don't think you'd kill a fellow mutant". 

Remy's palms got sweaty in an instant.

 _Come on, let this be over. Won't that woman ever come out?_

Then, the unthinkable happened when Shaw spoke again: "Well, think again".

Reason didn't accompany Remy this time. As the gun shot filled the air like a thing from hell and Rogue abruptly collapsed to the ground, his feet failed him and he did the same, hitting the floor, not knowing more of himself or of the world, just the huge nothing that swallowed him again.

 **Note: God, I'm horrible. Poor Remy and Rogue, right? Btw I wanted to say that it's a little hard for me to write so much from his point of view, because I think I usually write more from either an omniscient narrator's point of view or from Rogue's, maybe 'cause I'm a girl, like her, it's easier like that. Also, in this fic there isn't a lot of room for his usual charm, because of the situation they're going through, so I guess I'm trying to write him as he would be in the angsty mood this fic requires, but not making him look too whiny. You know? I hope it's working out, that's been my intention. Anywayz, please remember to review! Thanks so much for reading and onto next chap.**


	7. Chapter 7: Chance

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 7: Chance.

"I believe I have everyone's attention now, don't I?"

Remy stood there again, inside the force field and among the captive and powerless X-Men, like the rehearsal of a play that's being repeated for the hundredth time. Well, he didn't care it he had to do it a thousand times, go back and try to fight the countless combinations of actions that seemed to be producing the same result over and over.

He'd keep trying.

"Amazingly enough, you're completely right. I have no interest in talking to any of you so I should go straight to the point."

The first time he traveled back, he sent Rogue away just to be sure; the second part of the plan, he could never come across, as they caught her and… things went to hell. But he considered he could give a chance to that approach now, even with Rogue present.

As Jean assured Shaw there was no security code and the bastard went on about the actual existence of it, Remy dared to reach for Rogue's hand. It startled her at first, as she attempted to take her hand away, out of habit. But, looking to the front and trying to figure out what would come out of this craziness, she allowed his fingers interlace with her bare ones and her palm rest against his. It was a physical allegory of the mission he had imposed himself: keeping her here, as close to him as possible, in the world of the living.

"I don't know what you're talking about" the fourth time Remy heard him saying this, and Cyclops's voice still seemed so unsure. Guess a good leader should also know how to lie, not to mention being interested in sparing his team mates' lives.

"Of course! Of course, silly me. Your memory only needs a little push".

This would be messed up, but he had to do it.

"Azazel, bring one."

"SHAW."

Every face turned towards Remy.

No one said a word or moved for few moments, until Shaw seemed to get curious:

"What is it?"

It was hard to say this, so he swallowed hard before speaking:

"Cyclops won't tell y' a thing, unless…"

"Unless what? I'm listening".

"…unless you guys take Jean. The red head".

He could hear the murmur of a turmoil slowly growing around.

"The fuck…?" Logan grunted, among other incomplete phrases from the rest.

Remy turned to face Rogue who was gaping at him open mouthed. If only they knew, if they could understand what he was doing and what this was about. So he didn't even blink. It had to be this way.

"What are you talking about?!" Scott managed to say: "Don't…"

But before he could say anything else, Shaw spoke again:

"Cooperation. It's always welcome and it saves time. Azazel, bring her".

"NO! What…?" Scott's words were left incomplete as the already familiar (at least to Gambit) cloud of reddish smoke appeared where the demon used to be, then inside the force field as he held Jean and it was all there was left of the two of them in there, once they were outside.

"Let her go!" Cyclops yelled, punching at the silver wall and then came to face Remy: "You…" he could only raise a finger at him and then went back to the front. "Let her go" he repeated.

"With pleasure. But first, I need you to understand something. See, my fellow mutants, as you must know by now, humans, regular humans, are not precisely my favorite people..."

All right, this was going back to its course. As Shaw spoke, Remy realized Rogue would turn to him every once in a while, not understanding what he had just done. If only she knew… but he kept his eyes up front.

Now, and as Remy had expected, the Cyclops that emerged when Shaw pulled out the gun, forced Jean to kneel and assured he would put a bullet in her head, was completely different from the one that stood there and did nothing when Rogue was in the same situation.

What a surprise.

"Shaw, you can't do that!"

"Well, sorry to break it up to you but yes, I can. And you are the only one who can avoid it, by the way. Say goodbye".

Jean's face had reddened and she seemed more confused than scared. However, she gathered the strength to look at Scott in the eye and say:

"I know there's no code, honey…"

"Goddamn it, say good bye" Shaw insisted.

"Goodbye…"

"Shaw, listen to me, I don't know who told you this information but…"

"One".

The gun was already pointing to her head, to everyone's consternation. To Remy, this was surreal, to say the least, but he knew Scott wouldn't risk Jean. Right?

"Two".

Jean covered her face with both hands.

 _Sorry, petite. Come on, Cyke._

"Three".

Scott was standing there, frozen. His mind was probably being pulled in two opposite directions: the Professor's instructions and the importance of Cerebro, and Jean's life. If anyone asked Remy, it wouldn't be too much of a difficult choice.

"Four".

 _What y' waintin' for, one eye? Save your woman._

"Five".

Remy's stomach twitched for a second, wondering if it was possible that this guy's stupidity could reach the level of letting his girlfriend die because of the ridiculous duty he thought he had. But finally, Scott decided to behave like an actual man:

"Sweden. Eight, Barbados…"

Emma started typing and Remy closed his eyes for a moment, in relieve. Yes, this would work out.

"Three, Egypt, zero, Ireland, nine, France, zero, Japan, two, Greenland, one, Kenya, seven".

"So? Fantastic! Now you do your magic, my queen" Shaw put the gun back inside his coat.

"It'll be my pleasure" she walked into the room and the doors closed behind her back.

"What the hell was that? He could have killed her!" Remy heard Rogue whisper to him.

In response, he only tightened the grasp of her hand.

"What do you want with Cerebro?" Jean questioned, looking up at Shaw.

"You'll know soon enough, little lady. The whole world will".

"You don't understand" she got back on her feet. "Cerebro is too powerful and it can cause too much damage to all of us, if used incorrectly, whether on mutants or regular humans. Have you ever even…?"

"Have you ever even thought about a world controlled by us? By mutants?" Shaw cut her off and started walking around, immersed in his own ideas. "Humanity has had hundreds, thousands of years to own this planet, to make it count. What have they done, instead? Chasing down those who are different. Making a shame of a species out of themselves…"

Remy wasn't a trained thief for nothing. Maybe everyone was too focused on Shaw (even himself and Azazel) but he noticed something else. Jean was looking at him, too. But short step after short step, shaking her head and interjecting with a _"But…"_ or a _"Shaw, listen_ …" every once in a while, she was getting closer to the keyboard on the wall.

What was she up to?

"Well, no more. They are nothing but a worthless load and I will do them a favor by putting them out of their misery" he turned towards Jean, who started to sob (fake sob, Remy could tell) and wipe her eyes with the back of her hand:

"What do you mean? Are you going to kill everyone? You can't do that! They're innocent people, children…"

"Innocent!" Shaw echoed and faced the X-Men again: "How can you call innocent those who hunt you down? Those who deserve to die?"

With the corner of his eye, not to give her away, Remy saw the way Jean hurried to reach the keyboard and type three or four digits. Azazel got to her and teletransported the both of them to the opposite side of the hall. But it was too late.

The silver force field that had kept them captive, it seemed to Remy that since forever ago, disappeared in thin air.

"Alright!" Logan released his claws and charged at Shaw.

"Don't make me laugh!" the man blurted out as he struggled with Logan: "You still don't have your powers. But I do."

Shaw tossed Wolverine against the wall, but the Canadian didn't surrender and kept on his attack. In the meantime, Kurt, Storm, Kitty and Rogue teamed up, trying to control Azazel, but all they could do was getting teletransported around, only achieving a few punches and scratches.

"What did you do?" Scott asked Jean in a corner of the room, after hugging her.

"I sealed Cerebro. Nothing comes in or out, including Emma's force field. Now we have to…"

Logan was tossed against the ceiling this time, falling on Scott and Jean, who all tumbled down as well.

Remy didn't have much time to think if all of this was a good or a bad thing to happen. But he couldn't just stand there and watch, so he went to try and help Logan to do whatever it was that he wanted to do, only to get thrown away as well.

" _Mon ami,_ we need some sort of plan" he said to Cyclops, Logan or whoever was listening.

"Yes, we must…"

Logan didn't let Scott finish his sentence: "I have a plan, it's called slicing!"

Later on, Remy wondered how the following actions could have happened right before his eyes.

"This is getting boring!" Shaw said, while Logan headed in his direction again; so he took the gun out and pointed it at Wolverine: "Here, try and slice this!"

He pulled the trigger.

Right when Azazel, Kurt and Rogue appeared out of nowhere, in the middle of the way between Logan and Shaw.

And of course the red demon was skillful, as he made sure one of his opponents was the one to receive the gunshot. In the head.

Unable to comprehend anything, Remy ran in Rogue's direction and fell to the ground besides her. He held her in his arms and hugged her, because he didn't want to look at her face, not again, this wasn't happening, everything was going so well…

 _Everything's okay chere, everythin's gonna be okay…_

Hell was rising around but he was unaware of it.

Right before he was ripped away by time, he dared to see her face. Her green eyes, glass like and lifeless, were open.

(…)

"So, what y' think?"

Kitty's brown eyes seemed bigger than ever, as she gaped at Remy from across the table, over the hot chocolate mug she was holding close to her lips. She hadn't taken a sip while he told her the whole story.

"Are you for real, Remy?" she placed the mug on the table: "Is all of this true?"

He shrugged in defeat: "Wish it wasn't. But yeah, it is".

She took the mug between both of her hands again and took a large gulp. It wasn't really hot anymore.

"What y' think?" he repeated the question: "Do y' think she's… meant to die?"

"I don't know…" she said, looking down: "I just… I can't believe it keeps happening, you know?"

"Me neither, trust me. That's why I asked y' to come here, 'cause if I stayed one more minute inside the mansion, I'd go insane" he took a sip from his black coffee: "All I've done these days is see her die, come up with an idea that later proves to suck completely, an' repeat. An'… I don't know what to do anymore".

There weren't many people in this café, only few blocks away from the institute. It was still early in the afternoon, but since the sky was grey and it was chilly, it seemed to be later than it was.

"God… If only the Professor were here maybe we could, like, ask him or something. He always knows what to do."

"What 'bout that thin' y' told me? 'Bout the person y' sent back. Whatever he wanted to do, did he do it?"

She didn't reply right away.

"I guess… He didn't tell me. We shouldn't even be talking about this, you know?"

"Well I'm sorry to say this _petite_ , but I don't care. All I wanna do is find a way out of this… loop. Can't y' ask him? I mean, the person y' sent back?"

"Ask him what?"

"'Bout this! If it's possible t' change stuff in the past. Who is it anyway?"

"I… eh… I can't…"

"Alright, alright, y' don't have to tell me, but…" he laid back on his chair: "There anythin' I can do?"

Kitty was nervously passing her finger over the mug's edge:

"He did say something".

"What?" he leaned forward again.

"He said… that sometimes you can't change facts, but you can, like, change their outcome. That's what he said, I don't know if it's of any help but… Remy… I just can't believe or accept that things are meant to happen a certain way and I guess this… thing I have, this power, is a proof of it. What would be the use of it, if not? People talk about destiny and all of that. But it's not like that, it can't be. We're the ones who should… decide things. You know?"

He nodded. Something inside his mind had clicked.

"Y' think y' can send me back a little earlier? To when Rogue and I were cookin'?"

"I don't know, I mean, as I told you, the more you go back, the less time you can spend back there and…"

 _"Oui, oui,_ but can y' try? Can we try?"

"I guess" she took another sip: "What do you wanna do this time?"

"Y' really wanna know?"

Kitty shook her head and drank some more chocolate.

Remy's eyes were fixated in the reflections on the surface of the black coffee. The ceiling, the lamp up there… He had always thought so, too. That fate doesn't exist. Our actions do and there had to be a way things could come out differently. A chance to make things right.

Now he knew it. And he knew how.

 **Note: Even I am feeling bad already, about making Rogue go through this, over and over. But that's what I wanted this fic to be about, you know? Possibilities, fate, time travel and Rogue's countless deaths. Just kidding with that last one XD So, onto next chapter and as usual, remember to drop me a review! Thanks for reading.**


	8. Chapter 8: Once

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 8: Once.

When the nothingness was gone and the world got on focus again, Remy got rid of the olive oil bottle and rushed out of the storage room. Time, in all of its twists and turns, was now more precious than ever.

He glimpsed at Rogue as he crossed the kitchen, but continued his way nonetheless. It appeared to her that someone had passed by behind her back, so she turned around. Nope, no one, so she just continued making the gnocchi dough a good one.

Remy ran down several hallways and then took the elevator that led to the lower levels of the mansion. One, two, three floors.

Allons _… he's gotta be there._

When the doors opened up, he jumped out and found himself in one of those metallic hallways. He continued straight and then turned left, to meet the large gates of the Danger Room. There was a control panel on the wall, so he frantically pressed some buttons on the screen and the gate opened up with a snap.

Remy stepped inside the vast room. Before he could say anything, someone emerged from the smoke and the shadows.

"There better be a damn good reason for you to break off my session, bub" a still agitated Wolverine hissed.

"Rogue's about to die".

"What?" Logan frowned, as they walked closer to the entrance and to the hallway's light.

Remy spoke as fast as he could: "Somethin's gonna happen now and Rogue's gonna die, and I've been tryin' to save her but it hasn't worked out yet so I need your help".

Some seconds of silence and then Remy continued: "I know this make no sense right now, but y' gotta believe what I'm sayin', I'll explain it later, just…"

"Did… Kitty send you here? And I mean, _back_ here?"

He wasn't expecting this, but it was surely no moment to beat around the bush.

"Yeah. How y' know?"

Logan took some instants before replying: "'Cause you just reminded me of myself. Once". Remy was about to say something but the other man cut him off: "Don't explain anything. Just tell me what to do".

(…)

Five minutes later, Remy headed back to the kitchen, expecting to pass out at any moment. It all seemed strangely clear now; he had focused so much in changing the facts that led to her death, he hadn't realized that maybe… it had to happen that way.

He was about to step inside the kitchen when the already too familiar invisible power threw him to the ground.

And right before losing consciousness, the puzzle fit in his mind once again: to save her, he had to let her die.

(…)

He saw her wake up from the doze and sit up.

He heard Shaw begin the dissertation he had almost memorized by now.

He helped Rogue get on her feet.

He listened to the rotten conversation.

He didn't reach for her hand this time.

Even though everything was repetitive, he couldn't get used to it. To the nerve wrecking feeling of knowing she could, would, will, might die so very soon. And seeing her unaware of it made him feel a little guilty. But he brushed that thought away, because it wasn't important now. What mattered was getting through this one more time.

Either way, it wasn't any less hellish to see her front and center again, on her knees and crying. Remy recited his part, like a well-trained kid, his hatred towards Cyclops rising to the surface easily.

"One".

This had to be the last time he ever had to witness and be a part of this madness.

"Two".

The last time Rogue's life would be in any kind of danger, at least while he was alive.

"Three".

He had shuffled the odds same way he shuffled his cards.

"Four".

And this had to be the winning hand.

"Five".

Because yes, maybe things are meant to happen.

"Six".

Maybe she was indeed supposed to die.

"Seven".

And there was no way to change that.

"Eight".

But that didn't mean…

"Nine".

…he couldn't bring her back from death itself.

"Ten".

Remy held his breath and prayed to be right, as he kept his eyes locked with Rogue's. He had done his part and at this point, the whole thing wasn't up to him anymore.

(…)

Couple blocks away from the institute, in a small and deserted park, two figures were waiting.

"You sure you got it?"  
"Yes" the younger man nodded several times.

"Alright. Keep it quiet, and when I say _now_ , you take us there."

"Yes" the frightened kid nodded again, eyes up front like a little soldier.

Logan didn't vote for confiding such a crucial task to the blue elf, but he recognized he had no time to come up with a better idea, so there was no choice but to go along with Gambit's plan. So he recruited the teleporter and in the blink of an eye he was out of the mansion, dealing with a freaked out Kurt who only calmed down when he let him know Rogue would be history if he didn't put it together right there and then.

With his enhanced senses, Logan listened.

Fortunately, it was a quiet evening. Only a car had passed by and a faint conversation emerged somewhere, but soon faded away.

Gambit was far from being trustworthy, even now, after a long while being an X-Man. Logan always had the feeling the Cajun would betray them at some point; maybe even his whole presence in the mansion was a scheme, a sneaky way to achieve whatever dirty plan he could have on mind. But he had smelled the undeniable tone of truth, when he told him about Rogue. And also… he had been in a similar situation; one where he had to convince a bunch of people he hadn't hit himself on the head or had too much alcohol or acid; that he actually came from the future and… not a moment to think about that.

So he remained alert.

The wind blowing. The bark of a dog. An engine being started.

Not a fraction of a second had passed after the distant sound of a gunshot reached his ears, when he brusquely grabbed Kurt by the shoulder:

"Now!"

Only a bluish cloud of smoke was left where they had been.

(…)

Logan didn't bother in looking around. As usual, all of his attention was on his mission. And this time, his mission consisted on getting as close to Rogue as possible. He had to give Kurt some credit after all, for they landed right besides her, almost at the same moment her body hit the ground, so nobody had much time to process what was happening.

Remy's heart was pounding faster and louder than ever.

"Wha… don't…?"

Shaw interjected with some unintelligible words, but before he could do anything, Nightcrawler was already holding on to him and Emma by an arm each, the three of them disappearing right away.

Someone gasped back there (Jean, Kitty?) and Cyclops said something, but Remy didn't listen. With Emma gone, the force field vanished as well, and the X-Men charged against a very confused Azazel, who didn't know quite what to do. As Remy had previewed, he wouldn't be able to go after his master, like the lap dog he was, simply because he could have no idea where Kurt had taken them. For all he knew, they could be in the Empire State building, the Great Canyon or the mansion's backyard.

And finally, it seemed like the lucky stars remembered Remy existed, because something he hadn't planned came along; whatever thing that was keeping on and locked the collars that inhibited their powers, must have been in Shaw's possession. Right when Azazel teletransported himself to the opposite side of the hall, the collars clicked and went off.

Storm felt the strength of the elements again, at the reach of her fingertips; Jean could see, almost as a physical thing, the thoughts of other people, rumbling like a swirl and then keeping quiet at her command, objects around seeming ready to follow the orders of her telekinesis; Cyclops' eyes felt burning, but just for a second, as the energy behind them burst and flashed; Kitty felt light and intangible again, able to turn every cell of her small body into a ghostly shadow.

With horrified eyes, Azazel bounced out of there. His boss would be mad, oh so mad.

Remy almost didn't realize his powers had returned, as he was kneeling besides Rogue and Logan, who had cut off her collar and had both of his hands on her face, one covering the entirety of her right cheek, the other one on her forehead, left eye and temple.

From the moment Wolverine and Nightcrawler showed up, everything happened extremely fast, maybe ten seconds overall, but who was counting? To Remy, it was eternity. He exchanged a look with Logan, who had a scowl on his face.

Remy wished he could grab _time_ itself (whatever that meant) with his own hands and crush it like dough, and expand it and smash it and make it obey him. It had been his enemy all along: _time_. Had it been little enough for her to still be alive, even after receiving the bullet?

 _Come on,_ chere _. I know y're there._

The last thing he saw before being taken away by the time traveling emptiness, was a very deep and crystalline green, like a well of a sacred liquor or dew drops from some faraway land.

It was her right eye, still open and inert, still waiting to come back to life.

 **Note: I hope all of this made sense. I don't know if it was a little too all over the place, like a big ol' mess. But in all honesty, it's how it appeared inside my head from the start. Please don't forget to review! Thanks for reading ;-) Next chap, coming up soon.**


	9. Chapter 9: Green

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men!

Chapter 9: Green.

The absence of green in his range of vision startled him. It was all black, brown, grey, white… this was his bedroom, but…

Remy jumped out of bed, his heart racing again and the back of his neck covered in sweat. This had happened the previous times, this kind of awakening. He didn't look out the window though, to the mansion's backyard. Not this time.

He opened the door and looked in one direction of the hallway. Then the other one. Everything was quiet, at least around there. He waited few moments but nothing new came along. And his mind was at the edge: had she made it? A part of him thought that she should have, because it only made sense: it appeared that she was meant to get shot; all right then, but what would happen after that, didn't necessarily have to be written (was anything at all, anyway?) Another part of him was preparing himself for the worst; for the realization that no matter what he did, there was no way to avoid the imminent.

Better sooner than later, he thought, so he closed the door and headed to the girls' dorm rooms' area.

He crossed no one in his path. But that didn't mean anything, right? He was trying to find signals anywhere, proofs that she was around, somewhere, breathing and okay. Simply okay.

The door to her bedroom was right in front of him now. He would knock. From the other side she would ask _Who is it?_ He'd reply _Remy LeBeau at yer service, cherie_. She would open the door with _that_ expression on her face, one of the many that kept bringing him back to this door, to her, to anything that could have anything to do with her, including of course, changing time lines to keep her alive.

He was always very confident about his actions and decisions. But all of this had brought the taste of _doubt_ and _dread_ to his mouth, one he wasn't very familiar with.

It would be all over, or start all over again, soon.

He was about to knock on the door, when someone came through it.

" _Petite_!?"

"Eh, hey, what's up?" She seemed flustered, taking looks to both sides of the hallway.

He had to ask, there was no other way: "Is Rogue 'round here?"

Kitty's expression became a mixture of terror and God knows what else.

"Eh…"

"What? What it is? Where is she?"

"Remy…"

This was it. He'd hear it now. It hadn't worked out. How could he believe it would?

"What?"

Her hands had been behind her back, but then she brought them to the front:

"Please don't tell her I borrowed her jacket! She said no, but it really matches my new jeans, you know?"

"Ha…" Was all he could say, staring at the brown piece of clothing.

"I'll return it tonight, I promise! Just don't tell her!"

Kitty placed her index finger over her lips, with all the seriousness in her expression as she was talking about national security. Then she looked to both sides of the hallway again and left, down the opposite direction Remy had came from.

He looked to the floor, still savoring what he had just heard.

The air he breathed became suddenly lighter and fresher. She was… okay?

Then, to his left, he heard steps approaching.

The pace, the sound they made, it was all familiar.

So he looked in that direction.

Someone emerged from the corner at the end of the hallway.

Even from the distance, he could see her smile: small at first, then a little wider and then a big one. She looked down and then to the front again, as she approached, raising a brow at him when she was close enough.

It was fair to say never in his entirely life had Remy LeBeau been speechless.

"Lookin' for someone?" she questioned him, taking a glimpse at her bedroom's door.

Seeing this face as he went back in time had been temporally reliving. But seeing it now, beautiful and lively… was unbeatable.

Finally, he managed to pronounce some words that made sense:

"Coincidentally, _oui_ ".

"Oh, yeah? An' who would that be? Remy…?!"

After having been separated by death, odds and time, he thought he wouldn't let 3 or 4 feet kept her away from him. Maybe she would protest, or push him away, he'd deal with that later. So he wrapped his arms around her and brought her against his chest, for the first time ever, after all the time they had spent together, the dinners they had cooked and the infomercials they had laughed at.

She was a little tense the first couple of seconds, but then he felt her relax and hide her face against him, laughing, when two of the youngest kids in the institute passed by and threw a "uuuuuuuh!" at them, to then leave snickering.

They stayed like that a little more, only feeling the other's warmth and presence.

"Hun" she said at last, placing a gloved hand at the side of his face, brushing his stubble: "Yah okay?"

"Sure" he hurried to say: "I was just takin' a nap and I think I was havin' a bad dream 'bout, y' know, the other day".

"Yeah…"  
"But y're okay." He said this more to himself than to her, as he kept his arms around her.

"Course Ah am, thanks to Logan. Ah don't know how he got there, but Ah sure appreciate it".

Remy nodded several times, raising his brows: "Right. I appreciate it too".

"Ah mean… it was still pretty messed up. Ah mean, in a way Ah did die, don't yah think?"  
"Don't matter. What matters is that y're here". All of a sudden, he felt like saying something. After second guessing for few instants, he realized it'd be stupid not to say it, after all of this: " _Chere,_ had I ever told y' that… I love y'?"

The way she smiled there, disarmed him: "Only 'bout a hundred times since I kind of resurrected":

"Ah, _oui_? So y' counted them?"

"Maybe".

"An' what did y' say to me?" Maybe it was pushing his luck too much, but he was in a state of not giving a damn about logic.

"Rem…" she got tense again: "Yah know 'bout my power an'…"

"Shush, _non_ , I don't care 'bout that, don't wanna hear it…"

"But…"

"We'll figure that out later on. Let's just enjoy this day for what it is. For what we got now, that is, y' an' me. 'kay?"

She seemed a little hesitant, but finally gave in:

"Okay. In that case, I wanna say it again too".

"Say what?"

"Ah mean, yah're right, Ah guess we don't know when we'll be here ann when we'll get wiped away from the face of the Earth, just like that. So we better say what we feel when we have the chance".

"Agreed". She kept smiling and nodding, so he continued: "An' what y' wanted to say was…?"

"That Ah love yah too, swamp boy".

She rested her face against his chest again, so he could kiss and caress the crown of her head with his fingers. They had never been this close, at least not that he knew of; who knew what had happened these three or four days that weren't in his memory. Anyway, whatever it was, seemed to be good.

"Hey" she looked up at him: "What yah say we cook that gumbo?"

All of a sudden, he realized he was hungry. "Y' mean I cook the gumbo an' y' watch?"

She opened her mouth in disbelief: "How dare yah! I'm a good cook!"

" _Oui_ but gumbo's my specialty _cherie_ , sorry".

"'Kay, I'll be your assistant then, how 'bout that?"

"Can't complain!"

"Okay, so let's go buy the ingredients. Ah'll go get my bag an' coat".

"Alright".

She was about to enter her room and close the door but he hadn't moved:

"Remy?"

" _Oui_?"

He was still mesmerized, like he didn't want to be more than the strictly necessary inch or two away from her.

"Yah should put some shoes on".

"True, I'll go do that".

She gave him another smile before closing the door.

He walked towards his bedroom like in a dream. It surely looked like that: her dead body in the med bay, beating Scott up, the bottles of alcohol he gulped one after the other, the funeral, God, the coffin… it all seemed like a nightmare now. It was so strange because he was the only one to remember, to know all of that. Should he tell her? He didn't see the point of it now. Maybe later. Way later. Or never at all.

"Cajun."

He heard a voice behind his back when he was about to enter his bedroom. He must have still been so astonished, that his guard was off.

"Logan" he said with a nod.

Wolverine went straight to the point: "Takes a lot to earn my respect", then offered a hand shake.

Remy had no idea how much or how little he had told him or the elf. But who cared.

They shook hands and as the Canadian walked away, he thought that was his way of saying "you've indeed got my respect, well done". It was more than he could have aspired for when he came to live in the mansion, and not because he cared, but because he knew Logan was important for Rogue.

Shoes and trench coat on, and five minutes later, he was knocking on Rogue's door again.

"Couldn't find my brown jacket, that's weird" she said, wearing a black one.

Remy chuckled in his inside. He owed Kitty a lot, even if she didn't know it, so he would keep that little secret for her.

They would walk to the groceries store that was almost a mile away from the mansion. They just felt like walking that day.

"Y' know what, _chere_?" He said, as they exited the perimeter of the institute: "I'ma hold your hand now".

"Really? An' we're gonna… walk like that, like movie characters?"

"Exactly, like a boyfriend – girlfriend kind of thing".

"Oh, wow."

He could see the way she was trying not to smile.

"So? May I?"

"Yah just said yah would, so…"

"Well, I'm askin' your permission".

"Aw, that's so… thoughtful, all right, yeah, why not?"

"'Why not'?"

"Why not?"

The sky was grey but there was still green around, in the trees and grass that extended on both sides of the street. But those greens were dull and they paled completely, in front of the one in her eyes. In her two pupils that were as bright and alive as ever.

END.

 **Note: Hi everyone! Okay, about the previous chap (N° 8), I have to say that coming up with all that stuff was a little complicated for me, because I felt like there were a lot of rough edges. I mean, I had to plan it all well so there would be no plot holes. And few days ago, I found one. Damn. But it's too late now so well, if you find it, let's remember I'm only human XD and that even Hollywood movies have plot holes, so yeah. I'm planning on fixing it anyway because it's in chapter 1.**

 **Note 2: OMG my eyes are kind of teary after this ending. I enjoyed so much writing this fic and I feel like I could put it in words, just as I had it on my mind. That doesn't always happen. THANKS so much for reading and reviewing, for being patient through Rogue's many deaths (lol) and for taking this journey with me. I guess this is the magic in writing: imagining, creating, sharing, interacting, and enjoying. Thanks again!**


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